A Long Time Waiting
by Mandi1
Summary: There had to be a sacrifice. And she could see that they would be okay. For a time. A&J, AU
1. Chapter 1: I

Author's Note…

Whether you loved or hated or wanted to burn _Breaking Dawn_, there's something we all agree on: the ending blew. The epic battle did not happen. Simple as that. There was no real fight and there was no price to pay. There should have been. Someone should have given up something very dear to save themselves or their children or their loved ones. Here, that someone is two someones: Alice and Jasper. Their freedom in exchange for the others' lives.

Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable is mine.

I got bored. Happy reading.

* * *

The room was bright and cheery, filled with the Italian sunshine streaming in through the windows. At the head of the table, Aro smiled and steepled his hands, staring over the group before him. "I'm very glad we could all convene today," he said with a little smile picking at his lips. "Now that Demetri has returned from his mission, there were a few things I was hoping to go over. Demetri, shall we go on with what you have seen?"

Looking rather proud of himself, Demetri stood.

"She's progressing just as we hoped," he said with his own knowing smirk, smug anticipation oozing out of him. "The child looks to be around eight years old. The others believe she will reach maturity and be full grown in two years time."

The others. I cringed at the words and clung tighter to my husband's hand, grateful for the numbness he was trying hard to supply, even though it was hardly enough. It hadn't been enough for the past year we had been living in Volterra. We have come here after having bargained our freedoms in exchange for our family's, the so-called "others" Demetri spoke of. Now, it seemed, they were living peacefully in some part of Canada I couldn't place while Jasper and I were struggling with our new existence in Italy. No, struggling wasn't the right word. I was distraught, while Jasper was flip-flopping back and forth between wonder at the freedom his new life brought and unhappiness at what he had gone back to doing – which was mostly for my sake.

Right now, Jasper's thumb was tracing little swirls and whorls on the back of my hand, distracting me slightly, and I glanced up at him. While his hand was paying attention to me, his eyes were still intently focused on Demetri, watching with a jaw set so seriously that I started to worry. Surely he couldn't be going along with whatever horrible thing they were discussing. I had spent the last year faking my way through these meetings; I wasn't about to start believing their ridiculous speeches now.

"So with how the child is progressing and the fact that the humans in the town can't tell," Demetri was saying now, "I believe we can proceed with our plan."

Jane leaned forward in her chair, her small form hardly rising. "Plan? What plan?"

Aro's little grin grew to an ecstatic beam. "I've been waiting to tell you all until we had reviewed the child. Now that everything is clear, I think an explanation is in order."

He glanced over to Caius and Marcus on his sides. They both nodded, and he went on.

"With the advent of the half-breed child and the other full-grown ones, it has become apparent that those of our kind – or, partially of our kind –" Aro smiled wryly here and continued, "can live among humans without being detected. This fact makes our entire existence much, much easier. With a group of half-breeds living amongst the humans, think of the ease of our meals! Think of the possibilities for growth! Daytime travel, involvement, even _control_ of the human business world, all of this is at our fingertips now!"

"So you are suggesting we begin recruiting these half-breeds?" Heidi asked, arching one perfect eyebrow.

Aro shook his head. "Not recruiting, exactly."

He didn't have to say it. I didn't even have to try to see it in my mind. I knew exactly what he was thinking of, and Jasper did too, from the way he was stiffening in his chair.

"Creating?" Heidi guessed. "We're to create them?"

"Isn't it genius?" Aro cried. "We could create hundreds of these wonderful creatures, raise them as loyal followers, and send them out into the world to strengthen the line! And by pairing human females showing the proper potential with our gifted males…why, we're sure to come up with a brand new master race!"

I wanted to turn my head and vomit, only there wasn't anything to let go of. A master race? What a horrible idea! I had seen first-hand the trouble such a little creature had caused, and that was just within one family. Having so many of them would be a hundred times worse, and for the children to be gifted as well…

For the children to be gifted…they would have to be born of Aro's "gifted males." And the only gifted males Aro would deem worthy of the task were sitting in this room now – one was a few seats to my right, his ruby eyes sparkling with excitement, and the other was sitting stone-still on my left, holding tightly to my frozen hand.

"We'll begin tomorrow with the scouts," Demetri said excitedly.

"Of course, we'll bring in the potential women we've already been monitoring," Caius added, speaking of the three or four women deemed worthy enough to perhaps be changed, thanks to their gift-bearing promise. I cringed at the thought of these women so unknowingly giving up their lives, remembering Gianna, and then cringed even more at the thought of Jasper with these women. It just couldn't happen. It couldn't be possible. I scanned my mind to make sure…and was overjoyed at the sight of Demetri – not Jasper – cornering a frightened female in a dark little room. So _he_ would be the chosen father. Jasper would be safe. I was able to breathe easier now – or at least begin breathing again.

Heidi was cocking an eyebrow again, a sign I had learned meant she was getting annoyed. "Do you really think these scouts will be able to find the women, let alone keep from killing them?"

"Demetri will accompany the group to gather them," Aro said, and the vision in my head suddenly changed.

_The room was no longer dark but a blank, sterile, white chamber with a clean bed in the middle. A young woman – a young human woman – was on top of the bed, naked and still. The door on the side opened, and Jasper walked in, wearing a thin black robe that made his skin look whiter than ever and a blank, serious expression on his face. But then the girl on the bed trembled and her scent filled the air. Jasper grinned evilly, taking just a moment to toss off his robe before pouncing._

No. _**No**_. That could _not_ be true. I glanced up at Jasper, ready to protest immediately – and stopped when I realized my husband wasn't looking down at me with the worried expression he usually had after one of my visions. Instead, he was leaning across the table, his mouth set in a determined line as he listened intently to Aro.

"We'll start as soon as Demetri returns," the white-haired ancient was saying, "and in the meantime, we'll work on building up Jasper's resistance. We wouldn't want you tearing into our mothers-to-be." He smiled wryly then, and most of the others did too. Myself, I wanted to cry. Wretch. Anything other than smile at this horrible turn of events.

"And I'll get my turn when Jasper tires out," Demetri added with a cocky grin.

"If Jasper doesn't finish them all himself," Alec interjected. "We want them alive, if at all possible."

I could hear Jasper next to me, growling softly, and I prayed he was mad at the involvement they were forcing on him, not the teasing he was getting.

"Well then," Aro said brightly, "let's reconvene again when Demetri and the scouts return. Well done, everyone."

I would hardlycount the day's activities as being "well done," but held my tongue. The last time I had spoken out, I had been asked to accompany Heidi on one of her "tours." The looks on the innocent faces she…_we_ gathered…I knew I couldn't handle such a punishment again. And so I stayed silent as I rose from the table and began walking back to the chambers that had been designated as ours. I could sense Jasper following me silently; I did not anticipate the conversation we would have the moment the door closed behind him.

Since leaving, one thing I missed most of all was the welcoming feeling we used to get when walking into a room. Usually there were people to greet Jasper and I whenever we came home, whether it was Esme on the front porch or Emmett thundering over for a hug or wrestling match or even Edward coming to brood over one thing or another. Now, walking into a room meant whispers and stares, hushed comments about our former family or the diet I had stuck with – and Jasper had given up soon after our arrival. Even rooms not filled with people were cold, uninviting, unfriendly in their sharp perfection.

Such was the case with our bedroom. The walls were made of heavy stones as chilly and hard as our skin. A large wooden bed had been there when we had moved in, but I had since added a large matching armoire and a deep blue settee in the hopes it would make the room look more hospitable. No such luck. The coldness remained, just as it had been the first day we had arrived. I didn't want to think about what had happened to the previous occupants – whatever end they had met might very well happen to us, if we didn't follow the rules. And now the rules were saying that Jasper would have to…I grew ill just thinking about it. There had to be a way out of this. Maybe we could just up and leave, quietly, just after sundown?

_Demetri was on the trail just an hour later, finally cornering the two with Felix's help somewhere outside of Prague_.

So that wouldn't work. Perhaps Aro would understand if we spoke to him reasonably?

_Aro understood the pressure, but Caius reminded them of the bargain they had made – their freedom for their family's. If they were to leave, it would most certainly mean the end of the Cullens_.

That couldn't happen either – if it did, then all our sufferings over the past year would have been for nothing. Honestly, was there _nothing_ we could do? I prayed for the right situation to overtake my mind, to allow me to see some way out of this predicament.

The door to our chambers shut quietly then, and I knew Jasper was crossing the room to stand behind me. I could feel the air parting behind me as he walked, his musky and intoxicating scent clouding my mind for a moment before I gathered my wits again. This was no time for distraction. But I couldn't stop the twisting of my stomach when his hand wrapped around my shoulder.

"Alice," he murmured softly, in that gentle way he had when he was trying to get me to listen to him.

I shook my head. "No." Whatever he was about to say, whatever reasons he wanted to give for staying here or doing the horrible things Aro was suggesting, I didn't want to hear it.

"Alice, please." His grip got a little tighter, and I felt my reluctance start to ebb away, replaced by a calm stillness I knew I wasn't producing myself.

I stepped out of Jasper's grasp. "_Stop_. Not now." I turned around to face him and watched as he quickly covered up the hurt look in his eyes with the stoicism he usually wore nowadays. I took a deep breath and went on. "We need to talk, and we need to do it without you trying to control how I feel about all this."

"I'm sorry," he said gravely – as if he were apologizing to someone he bumped into on the street, not as if he were saying it to _me_, his wife, his Alice.

"No, you're not," I said pointedly. "You're really thinking about doing this, aren't you?"

His lips tightened across his teeth. "And if I am?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "How could you?"

"Alice, really." I felt his hands on my arms again, holding me so I couldn't turn away from him, and I looked up into his eyes. The stoicism was gone – most of it, at least – and my Jasper was back, giving me a serious but heartfelt stare. "What can we do?" he asked softly. "If we refuse…I don't want to think of what they'll do. I've seen the Volturi's anger before. I have no desire to invoke it again."

Even though I already knew exactly what would happen, I still shook my head. "We can't possibly let them do this, Jasper," I insisted. "It's _sick_. To take you, to use you that way? And what about the children that will come of this? What about them? Even if it were just obeying silly orders, this is still going to have a lasting result. A _horrible _lasting result."

He let go of my arms and grit his teeth; I could hear the sound. "If it's for the good of our race…"

My eyes went wider than they had ever gone before. "The good of our race?" I repeated.

"I recall you doing things 'for the good of our family.' This is the same. It's just a new family now," Jasper quoted calmly, calling to mind the phrase I had used so he would give himself up alongside me when the Volturi had come to Forks last year. Of course, I hadn't thought then I would need to persuade him very much. Now, it seemed, all my skills would need to be put into use.

"You can't really be…please, Jazz, _please_ don't believe them," I begged.

"They've been in charge for eons, Alice! If they hadn't been right all along, they would've fallen long ago."

"This is _different_. This is _life_ we're talking about here –"

"And I helped Maria to create life long before I met you," he cut me off. "When things got out of hand there, the Volturi knew exactly when to step in. They'll know when to do it now too."

"So you have no problem running around, fathering children with human women who are going to be _slaughtered_ because the high-and-mighty Volturi want an army?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest as I stared up at him.

Jasper's eyes became as cold as the stone walls around us. "Are you upset because I'm agreeing with them or because of the other women? What is this about now, jealousy? Are you going to pull a Rosalie? Try and intervene since you can't have one of your own?"

I had the sudden urge to reach out and slap him. That was in _no _way the issue – even if the thought of Jasper with another woman was indeed more of a worry than his siding with our captors…though now, with his coldness and anger so easy to rise, I was starting to worry more about the latter. Before giving ourselves up to the Volturi, Jasper had never been like this. Even when we fought, it had been quietly, tensely, with only a brief period of time before we made up again. Now, our fights were frequent and fiery, Jasper playing it cool and calculating while I tended to explode. I bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn't this time.

"That is not it at _all_," I muttered. "This is about you being so easy to follow their instructions, especially when it means my having to sit by and watch you with someone else."

Jasper turned his head, staring over at our bed as if he couldn't bear to look at me. "If we refuse…" He paused and cleared his throat. "If _I _refuse, then what was all this past year for, Alice? You made choices back then I didn't agree with, just to save the others, and I went along with it. Look at where we are now! What was this year worth if we get ourselves turned to ash because of one stupid thing?"

It was the same thought I had had just minutes ago, but it sounded so different coming from his angry lips.

"You've been taking to it quite well, with your new diet and all," I said, my voice soft and tight in my throat. His eyes narrowed at the low blow. Though a small part of me was ashamed at the level I was stooping to, the rest of me felt a little rumble of triumph at having gotten back at him for his own shot earlier.

"I'm sorry that _I _chose to return to what's natural," he replied testily, staring me down. "It's the way our race survives, the way it's always been. If you changed your mind, you'd see I was right all –"

"I told you a million times, I'm not doing it!" I cut him off. "I'm not backing out on who I am. _What_ I am."

"What you _are_ is a lie!" he shouted. "Embrace what you truly are, Alice! Forget the silly fantasies Carlisle shoved in your head!"

"How can you say such things?" I asked, shocked at the sudden explosion in him. "They're our _family_!"

"I thought you said they forgot us! Why does it matter who we're tied to anymore when the only family we've ever had doesn't care? They've forgotten us both. Let's forget them too."

I winced, pained at the truth in his harsh words. A few months into our time in Volterra, I had seen a vision of Esme tearfully packing up the last of our things, placing our clothes and my sketches and Jasper's books into boxes and sealing them up. She went so far as to take the pictures of us down from the walls, even when it was more than just the two of us. Every memory they could possibly have of us was erased, and slowly our names disappeared from their vocabulary, just as we had disappeared from their lives.

"_You_ chose to give them up, _you_ chose to come here," Jasper said, his voice quieter now.

"I almost wish I hadn't," I murmured. "I wish…I wish we had died instead. All of us. It would have been better than the Volturi creating half-breeds and you killing humans."

"It's _natural_ –"

"I don't care!"

"You chose to come here, Alice," he repeated. "_You_ chose to replace your family. Accept them for what they are. Accept _me_. I…I'm one of them now. And I'm going to do it, even if you don't like it."

My stomach dropped to the floor, along with my jaw and my heart. "You…you can't."

"I can," he replied smoothly, discussing it like a business transaction. "It's what they need me to do."

I was shaking, trembling uncontrollably as I spoke. "I don't think I know you."

"Well, I'm not sure I understand you much either, my love," he said, chewing over the endearment like it was an epithet.

It was more than I could bear, much more. I couldn't handle this any longer. I couldn't stand by and watch Jasper willingly give himself over to the Volturi, to these women, and then accept him back into my bed, my arms. I knew I couldn't handle the heartache. The last time we had separated ourselves so, I had retreated to bed for months, waiting for him. This time around…there would be no waiting.

"Then this is it," I whispered, not allowing my gaze to drop from his face. Even as I was giving him up, I still loved him desperately – always would – and I couldn't spend my last few moments of being his staring at the stony floor under my feet.

Jasper was stone-still for a moment, and I could almost see his mind whirring around like a clock, taking in the information I was feeding him. It didn't take much time to make sense. My Jasper was far too intelligent not to understand…but this wasn't my Jasper any longer. Even if we were staying together, this wasn't the same man I had fallen in love with so long ago. He had changed, grown different, grown harder and colder. He was like the stone walls around me, and I couldn't stand to be suffocated by both him and Volterra all at the same time. It was one or the other. And I couldn't endure leaving him here alone.

"It is," he said coolly, nodding his head in one short, graceful movement. When he looked back up, our eyes met – mine the same warm gold they had always been, his a newfound shade of burgundy that I really hadn't missed – and we shared one last, long look. I wondered for a moment if the shimmering in his eyes could possibly be emotion, if he honestly could still feel for me underneath all that coldness…but then what little light was in them left, leaving his eyes as chilly as the rest of him. His love was gone, as easily cut off as it was for him to turn and silently leave the room. My love, however, was still aching in my chest, leaving a raw, gaping hole where my heart had once been. I wondered vaguely when it might stop throbbing so much before sliding effortlessly to the floor.


	2. Chapter 2: Just

I felt as if I were wading through mud after that, each day moving along at a snail's pace. I struggled to make it through each morning and night without completely breaking down, only to be faced with another sunrise as soon as I had made it through.

The sunrises were the worst. Being changed below the Mason Dixon line meant my first days of conscious existence were spent dodging the rays that would expose me for what I was. Later, after Jasper…after _I _had joined the others, we had always lived in locales shady enough for daytime excursions. In Italy, the sun shone constantly, almost hurting my eyes with its glare, and I hated it for keeping me in this beautiful prison filled with murderers, kidnappers, and – worst of all – him. I was constantly trapped, and going out any time before nine at night was forbidden. To do so would mean swift death.

I almost found the idea appealing.

I spent a good deal of time staring out the windows of my hellish home, cursing the sun from behind the safety of a gauzy, opaque curtain. I was there, at the uppermost tower, as far away from the dungeons as I could get, when Aro came to find me. He knew, even without touching me, that I was trying to hide. The past few days had been almost as bad as the first night after Jasper had left. Three suitable women had been found in the two weeks since he had moved into a new room, and the human females were now being held in the lowest level of the castle. Knowing very well what their presence meant, I had kept alone and upstairs every moment of the day. Still, the white-haired man had found me, cornering me in the one space I had thought I might find some peace. I should have known that would be impossible in this place.

"Alice, my dear," he greeted me cordially. "Have you been hiding up here all day?"

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from scowling. Aro had been – for the most part – kind to me, and I had no reason to hate him. Other than the fact that his decision to start some abnormal half-human army had taken the only thing I had left away from me. Rumor said that it was actually Caius's idea, something I wouldn't put past him. Yet even if it was, Aro had gone along with it like nothing pleased him more. For that, I would still hold a grudge.

"Not hiding," I lied. "Just…admiring the view."

Aro nodded, a smile on his thin lips. "Any visions?"

I shook my head and pressed my body hard against the stone wall. If he were to touch me, he would surely know that I had been trying to keep myself from having those visions, fearful of what I might see Jasper…or even myself…doing.

"Then I am sure it's news to you that we will be beginning the process today." Aro's continual grin was a mile wide as he spoke, and I felt my face grow slack with shock.

Now? So soon? I bit my lip hard and tried to push away the various ways out I had been entertaining. Sneaking away in the early morning, kidnapping Jasper, convincing him that he was so much more than what he was going to do…that wasn't going to happen now. There wasn't enough time. Every second I ever had that truly mattered was in my past now. And from the look Aro was giving me, I knew there was no way to stop what was coming in the future.

"We will be needing your support, of course," he went on, and I furrowed my brow.

"Support?"

"Your visions, Alice! You will be on duty during the procedure to make sure no missteps are taken."

My left hand was still clenched on the windowsill, and I squeezed it hard enough to feel the stone give way and crumble in my palm. I was to…while he…my first vision in a week popped into my head, a repeat image of Jasper entering a clinical white room wearing that same black robe, only now there was a change; I stood to the side, holding a clipboard and looking as if I could care less what my husband was about to do to someone else. I clenched my eyes tight, drowning the vision out with the blackness that came then.

"I believe we'll be beginning in an hour or so," Aro said quietly. "Shall I meet you outside your chambers?"

Trembling from head to toe, I nodded. An hour. I had exactly one hour to somehow get out of this. I knew that if Jasper was so cavalier about leaving me, he was absolutely an unstoppable force when it came to what he was about to do. As for what _I _was being requested to do, I most certainly could stop that. If only I could come up with the proper plan.

Aro gave one last beatific smile before walking down the curving staircase, leaving me once again. I was blessedly alone, able to plan whatever would get me out of this mess. If I could leave, if I could find my way back home…surely a vision would find its way. I would see how to get Jasper out of Italy and back to me. Somehow. With a new determination in my heart, I turned away from the sun setting through the window and walked down the stairs – freezing at the top of them when I saw who waiting for me at the bottom.

"Don't stop on my account," Felix called up to me. I could hear the smile in his voice and shuddered. So I was to have a bodyguard then. No matter. Even though I was no match for Felix's strength, I was light on my feet and always one step ahead. I still could get away. Felix didn't seem like such a big obstacle as I descended the stairs, despite the evilly smug look on his face when I finally reached the bottom.

"Looking forward to the baby-making, are we?" he asked, falling into step as I walked down the hall.

"If you're trying to get a rise out of me, please, go on," I said stiffly and quickened my pace, not looking back at the six-foot shadow behind me.

Felix chuckled darkly. "So you're honestly going to tell me that you have no problem watching your husband make love with another woman?"

"I would hardly call it 'making love.'" _And I won't have to watch, if I can help it._

"Fucking, then." Felix seemed to take great delight in the way his vulgar choice of words made me stop short in the hallway. I quickly shook it off and set back on my path towards my room. Once I was there, I would figure something out, even with Felix trailing me.

Neither of us spoke as I walked and he followed, and the silence was strengthening. It almost made me forget his presence – and imagine what I could be doing if he was indeed not there. If I could shake Felix – and surely that vision would come when I reached the peace of my bedroom – then I could get away. No one would notice. They hardly noticed when I was there, and they wouldn't realize I had gone. I could slip away, as soon as I got back to –

For the second time since I had left the window, I stopped dead in my tracks. This time, though, it wasn't due to Felix's indecency. A new vision has sprung into my head, and I could see now what waited for me at the bedroom I was craving to get to. I started walking again, faster than before, wondering if this vision was indeed true.

It was. Two men – civilians whose names I couldn't remember – were standing sentinel outside my door. _Guards_, I thought angrily to myself as I made my way between them. I turned to shut the door, but wasn't quick enough to stop Felix's foot from wedging itself in.

"No, no, no," he murmured, wiggling his foot around so there was enough space to poke his head in. "Matthew and Harold guard outside, I guard inside. Aro's orders."

Orders. Again and again, over and over, my life was being dictated by the orders of others. Thoroughly sick of the whole thing, I stepped away from the door, letting it swing open easily in my absence. Felix came inside and shut the door behind him while I eased into my soft little chair near the fireplace. The fire I had lit this afternoon was still flickering slightly, and I leaned forward, hoping to warm my chilly skin. No such luck. I could have stuck my hand in the flames and I couldn't get warm enough. Though to willingly stick a body part inside the fire…

That thought ran through my head for a moment. The palace in Volterra was ancient, and the fireplaces were enormous. I could easily fit inside one of them. If I were to jump into the flames, it would all be over very easily. Painful, yes, but very quick. Or would it? Would I have to dismember myself before? Could I beg Felix to do it for me?

Once glance at the smirky giant standing near my door told me he would refuse. The pain of others was like a drug to him, and the pain I would experience watching Jasper with the woman he was to bed would be far worse than anything I could experience in the fire. And who was I really kidding? There was no way I could work up enough courage to jump inside the fireplace. The whole reason for staying here, for staying alive, was so I could get Jasper out. I couldn't end my life if he could be saved. And he still could, I knew it. I would just have to be strong.

I smirked a little to myself at my own choice of words. _Be strong, be strong_. Where had I heard that before?

"_Be strong, Alice_," Carlisle had managed to say to me just before Jasper and I had left that day. "_Don't let your morals become challenged because of circumstances you cannot control._"

I had nodded then and let the only father I could remember pull me in for a bone-crushing embrace. Of course, back then I thought he had only been referring to the meals we would be offered in Volterra. Never had the thought of attempting suicide sprung into my mind. At least, not until now, when every other opportunity I thought I had lay entirely in ruins. Now, I understood the dual meaning of my father's words. Morality lay not only in the human lives I saved but also in my own. Killing myself would be ruining everything I had given up my freedom for. And there was still Jasper to think about. I couldn't bear to leave him.

"Alice, it's time."

I glanced up quickly, expecting Felix and seeing Aro instead.

"Now?" I asked in a breathy voice. Had an hour gone by already? Had I really wasted my last moments of ignorance staring at the fire, contemplating a death I couldn't force myself into?

"The sun's entirely down," he replied. "Should something happen, there's no danger outside. Of course, that isn't a worry, what with your precious mind to watch over us all."

It wasn't the first time I had cursed my gift. It was, however, the first time I had wished I could crack open my head and carve out the section of me that caused these visions to happen. I was so taken with the idea that I hardly felt Aro's withered hand close over my own and pull me to my feet. The numbness that had come over me was a vague reminder of the same feeling Jasper used to give me to make everything a little easier. I almost laughed at the thought – easy didn't happen now, and it never would again.

Aro led me down a series of hallways and stairs, stopping in front of a smooth gray door and giving Felix an order to keep me there while he went inside. I stayed in place even without Felix's restraining grasp. I didn't need to be inside the room to know what waited on the other side of the wall I was pressing myself against desperately.

All too soon, the door opened, and Aro stepped into the hall once more. "Felix, you're free to go," he announced. "Alice, if you would."

Gulping down one last heaving breath of fresh air, I slipped my arm out of Felix's fist and walked inside the room.

I was immediately grateful that Jasper wasn't there yet. The medium-sized room was as clinical as it had been in my visions – all white walls and sterile silver trays and a stripped down bed in the middle…where Jasper's first mother-to-be lay, naked and still. I couldn't bear to look very long at the girl, but it wasn't hard to see that she was a tall, pretty brunette with olive-toned skin covering her fine form. Nor was it hard to realize that she was being heavily medicated. The scent of her fresh but tainted blood made my throat burn like fire, and I worried if my Jasper would be able to overcome the scent.

No, not _my_ Jasper. Not anymore.

Across the room from another door, there was a chair, a delicate rosewood-and-embroidered-cushion-topped piece that didn't match the sterile room at all. I turned it so it angled away from the woman and the portal behind her and sat down, folding my hands in my lap so my two shaking palms became one twisted, trembling knot. Aro came to stand next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder – no doubt to understand the thoughts running through my head. I didn't care. Anyone who looked at me would know exactly how I felt about what was to happen.

"I'll just go get our man," he said with a smile in his voice, as if he couldn't wait for the night's events to begin. I nodded swiftly and stared at a beeping monitor while he went in the door across the room. _Our man_. It was just another reminder that he wasn't mine anymore. He belonged to the Volturi now. He belonged in Volterra. I never would, that was for certain, but I would stay. For him. Even if he wasn't mine.

Aro came back then. Jasper was right behind him, dressed in the smooth black silk robe I had already envisioned. It was the exact color of crude oil, dripping from his shoulders and pooling at his feet when he shrugged it off, leaving the impression that someone had struck black gold at his feet. The analogy struck me as humorous, and I almost smirked. Crude oil, the essence of capitalism, the thing that brought blackness and corruption into the very souls of human men, was very much like what surrounded Jasper now. He had given himself up to what he thought was a natural process, and the dependency, darkness, greed, pollution…all of it was taking over the man I once loved. Still loved.

Though I was there to keep an eye on any unwanted outcomes and Jasper was there for the actual deed, Aro was still in charge. I watched him nervously as he came to stand at the incapacitated woman's side and nearly gagged when I saw what he was going to do. With a smile on his face, Aro reached over and swiftly secured the poor thing's hands to the bed, tightening the leather straps until they were cutting into her soft flesh before stepping away and standing at my side. The woman whimpered through the medication as soon as he was gone and struggled weakly in her bonds, her shifting movements sending a wave of fresh body heat through the air. The scent was tantalizing. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and my lungs shut off at the same time Jasper closed his eyes to take a deep shuddering breath.

_Oh, please, no...please don't let him go through with this..._

I watched my husband licked his lips in a slow, hypnotic way and couldn't help but let out a strangled whisper. "_Jasper_…"

He didn't stop. He didn't look at me. He didn't do anything except reach out with his beautiful, scarred hands and part the girl's legs slowly before jumping onto the table and penetrating her with a quick thrust.

I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes tight, but it wasn't enough to block out the noise. The sounds of the human's medicated cries, the slapping of Jasper's skin against hers, Aro's soft chuckle beside me was still soaking in my ears, drowning me, suffocating me.

"Seeing the glories to come, my dear?"

Aro's breath was hot on my ear, and I snapped my eyes open. There was _no_ way I was inviting a vision to help this man with his evil, debaucherous, disgusting…

But I had to. To keep Jasper safe, I had to invite those images of a haunting future into my mind. I closed my eyes, praying for his safety, and couldn't stop the pictures from seeping into my mind. Blood…pain…had she already birthed the child? Flashes of red, white, pink…but no infant, no carved-out bellies, no…_no_…

"_No_…"

The word escaped my lips as little more than a whisper, but Aro still heard. He glanced down at me with a worried stare, reaching over to grasp my shoulder, his eyes going wide as he realized what I had seen.

"Jasper!" Aro called out, but it was too late. In one sudden swoop, Jasper lunged forward to the female's body, razor sharp teeth clipping into clean olive skin and pulling away viciously. The woman's neck, once smooth and flawless, was now a mangled twist of the pink cord of muscle and the red slickness of blood. The heavily-medicated female gave a muffled whimper before retreating into shock. I wished I could be blessed with that same protective cocoon as I watched Jasper tear back into her, still pistoning with his hips as he lapped at her neck.

"Oh…oh, oh, oh…" It was the only sound I could make. I longed to scream, to cry, but my body seemed to go into shock as the human's grew even more still, her life finally ending. Yet any tears I wanted wouldn't – couldn't – come. I was dumbed into silence, staring at Jasper as he took greedy pulls from the girl's vein, her blood tinting his lips a rich red while mine were mouthing his name over and over again. He drank until the woman was a pasty white pallor, almost as pale as me, and only drew back when Aro commanded it a third time.

Jasper turned towards us, still half-inside the woman, his eyes a mixture of dull, drowsy satisfaction and the beast inside him ready to spring at the slightest provocation. It was the same look he used to have just before we would make love, and I wanted to tear myself apart at this revelation.

Aro stepped closer to him, a rare frown on his face that he soon covered with the gentle smile of a lecturing father. "We'll try again tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3: Love

Aro stepped closer to him, a rare frown on his face that he soon covered with the gentle smile of a lecturing father. "We'll try again tomorrow."

Again…tomorrow? My heart joined my stomach at the bottom of my shoes. I was a void, bereft of emotions, watching helplessly as Jasper sighed, nodded, and pulled out of the corpse. He slipped his oily black robe on, covering the form I so coveted, and left out of the same door he had come in. Aro watched him go before turning to me.

"Well, that certainly could have gone better," he said, nodding his head to the girl on the table with half a neck.

"May I go?" I asked suddenly. Seeing that woman…or what was left of her…lying there was getting to be too much. It was all I could do to keep from running through the room.

He pursed his lips. "Provided Felix goes with you…I can't see why not." He put his cold hand on my back – strange that I could feel his body temperature – and led me out of the room to where Felix was waiting. The giant of a man stepped forward with a little smile on his face, knowing just what was expected of him and more than glad to do it. I couldn't manage a returning smile, or even a grimace. I was still frozen solid, shocked from seeing what had just happened and from knowing there was nothing I could do about it. Worse, I had the feeling that the only thing that would bring me back to normal would be someone's arms around me…white, pale arms, scarred and flawed and perfect all at the same time. Instead, it was Felix's milky hand that grabbed me, closing over my shoulder and edging me down the hall.

Once we were out of Aro's sight, I came to my senses and slapped Felix's hand away, unable to bear him touching me any longer.

"Easy there, little one," he growled, smiling at me in a cruel way. "You throw a tantrum and they might think you're an Immortal Child. Wouldn't want to be destroyed, now, would you?"

I didn't answer, and he snorted.

"Hmm…maybe that _is _what you're after."

Again, I grew still, the truth in his words ringing in my ears. Death would be almost welcome now, and though I couldn't commit the act myself…if it were an accident…or if someone else did it…

In my mind's eye, I saw Felix reaching for me, an excited look in his stare, as if he were about to catch his quarry. Though instinct told me to run, to flee, I remained still, waiting for the warm rush of death.

The only warmth I felt was Felix's breath on my ear as he wrapped his hands around my waist and whispered, "There are ways we can prove you're a woman…ways Jasper says you're very good at…"

He bit at the side of my neck, almost hard enough to break my skin. I came back to myself with a start, and my elbow swung back into the space between his legs. Felix hunched over, groaning and clutching his groin, and I took that moment of distraction to run, celebrating my victory as I went. I didn't have much time; Felix, or someone else, would be sure to stop me. Besides, I didn't even know where I was running to. I just had to get away, to find a space in the castle or on the grounds were I could be alone and numb and as dead as I longed to be.

Loud footfalls weren't far behind me. I didn't have a second to lose. I turned and ran along a narrow dark corridor for what felt like miles, down a long staircase, and found myself at a grimy little door that wasn't any taller than I – a door Felix wouldn't be able to fit into. A door I could hide behind. Crouching down, I pushed it open and hurried through, shutting it just as I heard the thundering footsteps again.

I gasped when I turned around. What I had expected to be a scullery or tiny servants' quarters was instead a back alley…one that led to a busy, bustling street crowded with people. I was outside. After so long, I was finally away from that horrible place. It was almost more than I could bear, and with shaking legs, I began moving, taking the very first step outside my prison walls in over a year.

The street was teeming with people. The smell of them all was intoxicating, and I prayed I hadn't lost all my willpower. When I passed a particularly delicious little girl and didn't lunge after her, my fear dissipated a little, and I began walking faster, less cautiously. Now that I was outside, I had no idea what to do. Whatever it would be, it had to be fast. Someone was probably already tracking me.

The thought made me sick to my stomach…the idea that even as I left the grounds I was still their property twisted my insides horribly. But I couldn't let myself think of that now. I took a deep breath of clean, human-scented air and let it rinse out my head, stepping with renewed fervor. I passed building and cars, restaurants and fountains, even the occasional horse-drawn carriage before I came to a little sidewalk café. The view from the wrought iron patio was fabulous, and I thought silently that there was no reason I shouldn't enjoy myself before they came to cart me away.

I ordered an espresso, sat down, and pretended to sip at it. The cup was burning hot, and I twirled it around in my hands as I watched the people of the town pass by. A little old man with a rickety walker amused me for a while as he slowly made his way down the street. By the time he was gone, a gang of young boys had ridden up on a bunch of fancy bikes I assumed they had stolen. After loitering for a minute or two, they were chased off by a mustachioed poliziotto. I smiled a little to myself, wondering what their mothers would say, my smile slowly fading when the table next to me became occupied by a young couple.

They looked to be in their early twenties, maybe a little younger, and were sitting close together and holding hands in that lovey-dovey, almost sickening way so many young couples do. Hot green jealousy bubbled up in my gut. Then I got a better look at the two of them, and the jealousy was replaced by despair.

The woman was beautiful, as stunning a human as I had ever seen – pretty red mouth, big violet eyes, high cheekbones, and a figure to rival a supermodel's. She had a long sheet of golden hair, waving gently down to the small of her back where her mate was twisting his fingers in the tips, playing with the ends of her curls. He was just as handsome as she was beautiful, but where the woman was breathtaking and soft and ethereal, he was built and rugged. His chest was broad, his black shirt straining across tight muscles, and his thick neck led up to a firm jaw, full lips set in a teasing smile, bright blue eyes, and dark hair cut into short curls over his head. It was almost like they were…

_No_. No, they were not. I forced myself to look at them truly, trying to find the differences, and they slowly started showing. The stubble shadowing the man's jaw, the woman's too-frequent and crooked smiles, the naturally-colored irises both of them possessed…but it still wasn't enough. I clamped my eyes shut tight to drive out the memory of an even more beautiful blonde with a killing smile and a passionate devotion to her family, and her husband, a joking, ferocious, teddy bear of a man. My brother. My sister. My…

My fingers tightened on the espresso in my hands, the little handle breaking off the demi tasse cup easily and falling to the wrought iron table with a clink. A jacketed waiter came scurrying over, tutting at me in Italian.

"_Scusi, scusi_," I murmured, trying to flash a charming smile and surely failing. "_Mi dispiace_."

The waiter frowned and whisked my still-full espresso away, another man returning with a fresh one just a second later. I stared at the dark liquid for a few minutes, glancing up every so often to look at the couple out of the corner of my eye. They were even closer now, the man occasionally leaning in to press his lips against her skin, just above the thick vein running along her neck. I sighed and tried not to feel absolutely abandoned, lifting the cup to my lips so the act would look semi-believable. What I saw next made me move so suddenly that a hot, bitter shot of espresso streamed down my throat, and I choked for a second before catching my breath.

The loving couple wasn't alone at their table now. Some friends had joined them, another young pair, the gentleman handsome with wind-swept hair and the woman a young, lovely brunette – with a small sleeping girl nestled in her arms.

That…it was too much. I couldn't bear to watch any longer. I threw a few Euros on the table and jumped up to my feet, walking away so my back was to the table. I knew I was headed in the same direction as I had run away from, but I didn't care anymore. Let them find me. Let them destroy me. I didn't belong anywhere now, did I? I couldn't go home, or I'd risk destroying the ones I had tried so hard to save. And I couldn't possibly stay in Volterra. To do so would drive me mad.

My wanderings lasted only for a little while. Some ten minutes later, I turned a corner aimlessly – and found myself back in the alley I had only just run away from. An intense rush of pain suddenly came over me, sending me to my knees and making me howl in agony. My limbs were on fire, my head ready to explode, and the pain went away like a light switch turned off. I was lying on my stomach on the slimy alley ground, and Jane's tiny boot was pressing into my cheek.

"Let's not try that again, shall we?" she asked, her voice like the tinkling of little bells. I glared up at her as best I could. With a cold smile, Jane pulled her boot away and stepped back. I pushed myself up to my knees and then stood, staring down the guard that was waiting for me – Jane, Alec, Felix, and Felix's two henchmen, Harold and Matthew. They were in a row before me, looking as if they weren't pleased at all to be here – besides Jane. She was never one to back down from a fight, especially when it meant being able to use her horrible gift. I could see her getting ready to use it again, and I held up my hands quickly.

"Fine," I muttered, my voice a deadened sound. "Let's go."

Jane smiled and spun around, her long black robes swirling about her small form as she began walking down to the end of the alley where a door, larger than the one I had come out of, was resting half-opened. Alec was right behind her, and I could see in my mind that I had best begin walking or Harold and Matthew would do the moving for me. And so I stepped down the alley, making my way through the door with Felix and his mutts behind me. Jane led the way back to my room where she opened the door again, smiling all the while. I grimaced at her and went inside, thankful that they shut the door behind me and left me alone.

After approximately two seconds, I wanted to be alone no longer. The image of the two couples I had seen in the street flashed in my head like photographer's bulbs, their happiness bright and glaring, the picture of that little girl snuggled in her mother's arms a final shocking dazzle that stung my eyes into blindness. And, of course, with that blindness came blind rage.

Why was _I _the one who had to give everything up? Why me? It hadn't been my child the Volturi had come to take. It hadn't been my life they had come to check up on. There had been no need for me to step forward and volunteer my freedom away. Wasn't Carlisle supposed to take care of all of us? Wasn't Esme our constant protector? Could Rosalie go one day without complaining about something? Why not them? Why me?

Perhaps the worst part was that it had been my decision. _I_ decided to give myself up. It wasn't with spurring from my father or desperate little looks from my mother. I volunteered. I made the choice, and Jasper too. He came along on his own…likely because he had only come last time with me and he wasn't about to stay there alone. Without my being a Cullen, there were no more ties to him there. What was it he has said so long ago?

"_I won't be unhappy if I'm with you. You're all the family I need."_

Ha.

Indeed, he wasn't unhappy. But we were family no longer. And now I was stuck in this horrible existence without a husband to make life tolerable and without a family to go home to – simply because going home would mean death for them all. I was here, without him, without them, all because of a stupid choice. A stupid decision that shouldn't have been mine to make. Someone else should have done it. Someone else should have taken the responsibility when it had been theirs. Someone else should have taken the blame for _their_ own mistakes and given up _their_ freedom and _their_ husband and _their _child and…

I spun around, looking for something to grip onto in my anger, and instead caught sight of myself in the mirrored armoire. I looked awful. My hair was a mess, my eyes were ringed with deep shadows, my face was a horrible twist of anger while my body was too small to do much about it. The reflection was staring back, taunting me, twisting what I saw until I was looking at a shell of what I once was and…and…

With one clenched fist, I swung out, screaming a wordless cry as I collided with the mirror, the glass shattering and falling at my feet. I couldn't stop. I was a madwoman, tearing the door from its hinges, shrieking and screaming as I tore out all my clothes, tossing them onto the floor before attacking the armoire with renewed fury. My long, loud cry turned into words, one word, a name I kept screaming over and over and over again, wailing at the one person I blamed the most out of them all, the person I thought was my sister, my friend.

"_Bella, Bella, Bella!_" I cried, finishing the armoire with one last kick, leaving it a mangled heap of splintered wood on the floor and moving to the bed. I dug my hands into the down comforter, splitting it open with my nails as I continued shouting her name…blaming her for what she had done…for what she hadn't done…for how she had ruined me, ruined Jasper, ruined _everything_ while she got to keep her perfect little life with her perfect husband and perfect child.

The comforter came apart easily, feathers flying everywhere. The pillows too. The mattress was more difficult, once I got to the springs, but by that time I hardly cared. I was too busy gouging Bella's perfect skin, tearing at her thick mahogany hair, picking at those bright red eyes every time I tore into the feather-covered mass, making her hurt just as much as I did. The pain in my heart was throbbing, aching, as I clawed through the mess. Dry sobs choked me, making my lungs burn. I grappled blindly at the wall until my hand closed around what I was looking for – one of the old-fashioned torches Aro insisted on lighting each night. I lifted it easily and tossed it onto the mattress, watching as it caught and set the feathers ablaze, still screaming Bella's name so loud my chest hurt. The matching torch on the other wall was tossed onto my pile of clothes, and I watched carelessly as they kindled and began burning. The amount of money I was wasting by lighting up all my pretty things hardly mattered – I wasn't burning my clothes, not really. I was burning the false memories my sister had given me. The promises she had made to me, to _us all_. The hopes I had had for her and for us that were dashed because of her mistakes.

"_Damn…fuck…Bella!_" I screamed, lifting my head to yell at the heavens, hoping someone up there would hear me and maybe make things right.

It was too much to hope. Giant hands wrapped around my arms and began tugging me away from the now-blazing room. I shrieked at the top of my lungs as Matthew and Harold pulled me out the door, jerking wildly in their grasp. Half of me longed for a horrible punishment, just to lessen the pain of everything else in my life. The other half wanted to get back in that room and throw myself onto the burning mattress. But I couldn't wrangle my way out of my prison guards' grips, and I slowed my struggling when I saw who was standing just outside the door.

Jasper leaned casually against the stone wall, his arms folded across his chest, a stray lock of honeyed hair falling into his crimson eyes. He stared at me for a moment, saying nothing, only watching as I slumped backwards into Harold's chest, silent now. My eyes met his…imploring, pleading him to do something – help me, destroy me, _anything_, just so I would see some form of life in him. But he remained as still as a statue for one last second before turning away and striding down the hall. And I collapsed into a little heap between Harold and Matthew and hardly cared as they dragged my lifeless body away from my destroyed room.


	4. Chapter 4: You

I stayed lifeless and deadened from then on. It didn't seem much use to go through the motions of living when I knew I would only be disappointed. For a second, I entertained the thought that my numbness wasn't my own and that perhaps _he_ was giving it to me as a last kindness. Then I had to watch him tear into another unsuspected, drugged-up human, destroying her just as he had ruined the other one, and I knew that he would never use his gift on me again. That kindness didn't seem to exist in my Jasper anymore. _My Jasper_ didn't exist anymore.

Aro decided to take a small respite from Jasper's procreating attempts, and I spent those days holed up in the library. I practiced my languages, reacquainted myself with the human genetic code, and learned the intricacies of a Formula 1 engine before Felix came to escort me to the clinic. It was only five days after Jasper's first attempt, he had already killed two women, and we were going to start again. I felt nauseated at the thought.

The girl stretched out on the table was a redhead, sufficiently drugged and stripped naked. I tried not to stare at her as I took my seat, but I couldn't help seeing her pale, flawless skin and long, thin hands hanging off the table. After a few minutes of averting my eyes, I gave up and looked at her, the woman who very well might be the mother to my husband's child. She was very pretty, with a creamy complexion, high, exquisite cheekbones, and big full lashes that brushed against her cheeks. Jasper would no doubt find her exceptionally enticing, and I couldn't help but be jealous. I also couldn't handle looking at her anymore, and I turned my gaze down to my fingernails.

After staring at them for a half hour, Aro finally came into the room, his face bright with excitement and anticipation.

"I apologize for the delay," he said to me, though he nodded a little at the drugged female, as if she could hear him through her medicated stupor. "We've been giving Jasper a little snack so there aren't any mistakes this time."

"A snack?" I repeated, even though I had already envisioned the lineup of three random humans snatched off the street that had been Jasper's meal. I still had not gotten used to Jasper's change in diet, and to be reminded of it in such a fashion was hard to swallow.

"Oh, you needn't grimace so," Aro scolded good-naturedly. "They were merely street children. It was better they be taken care of."

I thought immediately of the boys on the bicycles I had seen outside the café during my night of escape. Had that policeman ushered them into a vampire's den? I winced at the thought.

"Now that our father-to-be is sufficiently fed, shall we get started?" Aro suggested with a smile. I remained silent, staring down at my hands in my lap. I half wished this would be the last time we had to go through this. Then, the torture of having to watch Jasper with other women would stop.

_No_, a tiny voice in my head whispered, _this will never stop. You heard Aro. Hundreds, he said. __**Hundreds**__. This will never, ever end._

That phrase sang through my head, repeating over and over, as Jasper came into the room. He was dressed in the same black silk robe from the first time, just as he had been the second time and just as he would be every time after, I was sure. It was almost routine now – Jasper taking a deep breath to draw the woman's scent into his lung, a fiendish smile spreading across his lips as he climbed up on top of her, already hard.

I closed my eyes then – not to bring on a vision, but just to block out that image of his face as he sunk into her, that beautiful, blissful face I had seen every time we would make love. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for the sound of teeth ripping into flesh and hearing nothing but the rhythmic slapping of skin on skin, a constant, driving sound that only drove home the fact that this was a never-ending cycle of pain.

Suddenly, I could hear Jasper picking up speed, and a horrible vision took over my mind.

_The pretty redhead was lying pale and still on the floor, her stomach a raw, gaping hole of twisted pink muscle oozing bright red onto the stone floor. Heidi, standing over her, looked down and grimaced, stepping back from the blood as if it were about to taint her Manolos._

"_Well, that's one down," Demetri said with a smirk from his place between Heidi and Aro._

"_It is, indeed," Aro replied, smiling at the bundle in his arms…a small, pale infant with a downy head wrapped up in a blue fleece blanket. "Now," he said excitedly, "let us go show Papa Jasper the first of his pride and joy."_

When I opened my eyes, Jasper was wrapping the robe back around his slim body…and the redheaded woman was lying in tact on the table, the only damage on her the big purple bruises already welling up on her skin. The deed was done, and I had done nothing to stop it. Worse, I could do nothing to stop what would happen next.

Perhaps the woman's insides were already hard at work creating the cursed life form Aro had so longed for. And soon, if all went according to plan, a monstrous little thing would rip its way from inside her and emerge into the world – monstrous indeed, but beautiful. Perhaps with Jasper's golden hair and his big, dreamy eyes and…I shut my eyes tight to keep from thinking about the rest.

This unconscious human had done the one thing I could never do for Jasper, but to say I was jealous was the least of my worries. There was the creation of a new race to fret about. The death of this poor unsuspecting woman that was to come was another. Most of all, I worried what this would do to Jasper. He would be praised to heaven and back for his activity, given anything he wanted, and that sort of freedom had never sat well with my husband, as much as he liked to think. And there was no way that freedom would be denied him now. The Volturi would want to rejoice now that their plans had been put into effect.

I was right. It seemed all Aro had to do was clap his hands and a party was immediately organized celebrating Jasper's shared success. I stayed locked in the new room I had been given and sat cross-legged on the foot of my bed, stared at the closed doors of my closet filled with brand-new clothes, and thought about the waste of it all to keep from thinking about the forty or so human lives that were being wasted downstairs. Strange to think how a bloody massacre was the Volturi's idea of a party.

The door eased open then. I looked over, expecting to see Felix on bodyguard duty, and was a little shocked to find Alec standing there. He was wearing black slacks and a miniature blazer, looking every inch the twelve-year-old gentleman. The look sent shivers up my spine.

"May I help you?" I asked in a quiet, dull voice.

Alec smiled. "I'm here to escort you to the party."

I shook my head. "I'm not going."

"Oh, but Aro said –"

"I don't want to hear what Aro said," I cut him off.

His smile turned into a frown, making his angelic face almost heart-wrenching. "It's only a party, Alice. It would do you good to go."

"Good?" I repeated, raising my eyebrows at him. Good for me to go watch the man I love slaughter yet another human while I wrestled with my own temptations? For me to stand by and watch everyone congratulate him on something I thought was beyond terrible? No, I wouldn't have wished my position on my worst enemy.

"Yes, good," Alec repeated. "You can't wallow in here forever. The library either. Oh, yes, I've seen you sulking around. If _I_ did that, Jane would slap me. Would you like me to slap you?"

"No," I deadpanned.

"Very well. Though with all this pain you're self-inflicting, I should think you'd get off on that."

I clenched my jaw and said nothing.

"I mean, we all know Jasper's penchant for violent bedroom rendezvous. And since that's off-limits to you now, I'd be happy to provide a little sadistic distraction if you need it."

Staying silent was getting harder and harder to do, but I kept my lips clamped together.

Alec sighed. "That makes sense. Felix already said you spurned his advances. Besides, Jane wouldn't be too pleased if it was me that took a hand to you and not her. Just be glad it was me sent to get you. She'd give you a little medicine until you agreed to go." His eyes were sparkling as if he were already anticipating Jane's actions and he smiled at me charmingly. "Now, will you take my arm, or shall I go get my sister?"

I clenched my teeth and slid down from the bed, catching sight of myself in my new, unbroken mirror. I hadn't changed my clothes since burning all my old ones, and the kelly green tunic I was wearing over my black leggings was sooty and wrinkled and burned a little at the hem. But I wasn't going to change, not into the clothes they had put in here. I flattened my hands over my hair, trying to make myself look halfway-decent. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another figure joining Alec at the door – Jane.

"You can't _possibly_ be going downstairs in that," she scolded, resting her head on her brother's shoulder as she scowled at me. Of course, Jane was impeccably dressed in a long deep blue gown with a elegant scoop neck and tiny cap sleeves. Next to her, I felt grubby and unkempt, a shadow of what I had always been and not living up to what had so often defined me.

"Jane, be kind," Alec said sweetly and turned his head to press his lips onto his sister's forehead. She looked up at him with fond eyes.

"I am being kind," she insisted. "I haven't done a single thing to her."

"She can't help it if she hasn't another dress."

Jane rolled her eyes. "She's got plenty. I _saw_ Sulpicia and Athenodora bring them in two nights ago." She crossed the room to throw open the doors of the closet, revealing rows and rows of brightly-colored outfits and turned to smile evilly at me. "Now, Alice, darling, won't you get ready?"

I wanted to strangle the girl for her false endearment but instead remained silent, staring at the rainbow hue of my closet's insides.

"She says she won't go down at all," Alec informed his sister.

Jane looked up at him with that horrible, devilish smile. "We _could_ make her, you know."

"_Jane_." It was another voice that joined theirs now as Heidi came into the doorway. Jane scowled and pulled away from her twin, waving her hands flippantly.

"Just get her dressed and bring her down," she muttered, turning to leave. "Carry her down if you have to. Or come get me. I'll take care of the problem quite easily." She stopped to flash me a look that proved she would not hold anything back should it come to that and left, Alec hot on her heels. Alone now, Heidi came into the room, her skintight red dress hardly moving as she walked, and started rifling through the closet.

"Do something with your hair," she called back. "Aro won't hesitate to send Jane again."

I frowned; I could handle Jane's punishments every once in a while, but to have them on constant repeat until I went down to the party would be abominable. Grabbing a brush from my bedside table, I ran it through my choppy locks as Heidi pulled a gown from the closet. It was a long-sleeved, tea-length dress made of buttery yellow raw silk. I shook my head.

"No." There was no chance I was wearing that. It was almost an exact replica of a dress I had had long ago – a dress _he_ had picked out. I couldn't wear that in front of him, not with the way things were between us now.

"You have to wear it, Alice," Heidi said matter-of-factly.

"I don't _have_ to do anything," I replied.

She whipped around to face me, the sunshine-colored dress in her hand. "You _have_ to if you want to stay away from Jane. And you haven't got any other suitable dresses. This one is beautiful." She thrust the dress at me, shoving it into my hands. "Now _put it on_."

Without the heart to argue, I was no match for Heidi. She watched carefully as I undressed, her eyes piercing into me as I peeled down to the simple white undergarments I was wearing. Their ruby stare reminded me very much of a pendant Jasper had given me our first Christmas together – a pendant I had somehow kept on my person every day up until a few weeks ago. It was now lying somewhere in my jewelry box, one of the few things that had survived my room-torching, and it would likely stay there for the rest of time. There was no way I could look at that glimmering little jewel without thinking of the words he had said that long-ago December day.

"_Alice…you have already captured my heart. It may be still, but it is there. And it belongs to you entirely._"

Or it used to.

Heidi was right; it was a beautiful dress, just as beautiful as it had been when I had worn the same thing in 1949. She somehow found a pair of small turquoise heels in the back of the closet and tossed them at me. I caught them and slipped them on before looking at myself in the mirror.

It was almost shocking to see myself back to how I once was. The dress was incredibly flattering, pulling in at all the right spots and making my already perfect figure look good enough to rival Heidi's. The shoes each had a little yellow flower on them to tie into the dress and had heels about four inches high, raising me up from my usual four-foot-eleven stature. I had returned to being the bubbly, fashionable, graceful little Alice I had been a year ago – at least that was how it looked on the outside. On the inside, I was cringing and wondering how long I could keep up the front.

The party was almost winding down by the time I got there, the last of the sacrificed humans' bodies being carted away as I came in. Despite the meal having finished, the partygoers were still chatting noisily, sipping from goblets of deep red liquid, and even dancing to music pouring through unseen speakers. Heidi left me to press against Demetri's side and watch Jane and Alec, who were executing an exquisite Viennese waltz in the middle of the dance floor. Aro, along with his wife Sulpicia, was standing across the room from me, and he lifted his goblet in a toast as I entered. I nodded a little out of habit then averted my eyes.

I couldn't stop my gaze from going to the biggest group in the room. Jasper sat in a plush chair pushed up against the far wall, his face all at once bored and amused. He was surrounded by people – namely females – and was speaking quietly. Unfortunately, it wasn't quietly enough; I could still hear him talking about the human he had just bedded and hopefully impregnated. One of the females, a brunette with a high, simpering voice, stroked his arm through his finely-made jacket and asked him how hard it had been – smirking heavily through her obvious double entendre. I watched Jasper shake his golden head, smirk, and reply that it hadn't been difficult at all. At this, I snorted.

Jasper's crimson eyes flickered over to me, no doubt drawn there because of my bright gown. Even if he didn't remember the one from before, I stood out like a literal ray of sunshine among the somber colors of the Volturi's chosen dress. Everyone was wearing some dark, cool shade, including Jasper, who was wearing a black suit that made his hair gleam and his skin look icy smooth. My buttery dress seemed to be a physical manifestation of my opposing status to the Volturi's darkness.

As Jasper looked over me, his face suddenly cleared; the smirk that had been there was washed away and any trace of amusement was suddenly gone. I braced myself for the fury that would replace it…and received none. His gaze was deadened, soulless, without a single trace of emotion. It was more frightening than if he had been glaring at me, and I had to look away quickly before I burst into tears at seeing what my husband had become. He was no longer the gentle, caring, _feeling_ man I had fallen for. He was changed entirely…yet still I loved him. I knew it was wishful thinking – there was no way I could have _my_ Jasper back – but I couldn't help but still care for the man he had once been…the man who might, just might be hiding underneath all the numbness he was carrying now.

The brunette touched Jasper's arm and his silent dull gaze moved up to her face – far too close to his for my comfort. This was too much. I couldn't stay in the room and watch him any longer. I had made my appearance, just as Aro had requested, and now I had to leave, or everyone would have to bear witness to the colossal breakdown I was on the verge of. With a quick glance to the future to make sure no one would stop me and that the hallway would be sufficiently deserted, I skirted out of the immense room, grateful for the silence once the doors shut behind me.

I wondered for a moment if I could perhaps get a time restraint on my imprisonment. Surely I could handle being stuck here if there was a date I would be freed. Sort of a light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel thing. I could watch Jasper with all those females and see him beget child after child if I knew I would be leaving. Tomorrow, I would have to speak to Aro about –

Unseen hands suddenly grabbed my arms, wrenching me back and throwing me against the wall, my face and front pressed into the stone. There was a heartbeat's pause before I was roughly turned around and thrust back against the wall by those same hands. I looked up, following the lines of the arms that had thrown me, up, up, until I could see a face glowing in the torchlight.

"_Jasper_…"

My voice was a shocked, drawn-out whisper and I stared up at him with big dazzled eyes. He looked both deadened and furious, as if his feelings had been gradually numbed and he could only play at emotions now. I watched, dumbed into silence as he pressed me even harder against the wall.

The stones were jutting through the thin fabric of my dress and I placed my palms up my husband's chest…to push him away or draw him in closer, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was just to feel him underneath my hands one last time. But then his fingers came up to my breasts, so unlike a caress that I winched and began pushing against him. It wasn't enough; I was too small and he had me pressed tightly between the wall and his body, the body that I half-wanted and was half-frightened of. Jasper's hands tightened on my chest, squeezing me almost painfully, then suddenly pulling apart, ripping the top of my dress wide open.

"Jasper!" I gasped, shocked back into speech. But he acted like he didn't even hear and tipped his head down to my décolletage. I could feel his teeth scraping along my skin there – before he bit down, tearing my bra apart with his teeth and nicking the tender flesh of my breast. His venom stung like wildfire and I tried to say something. I tried to beg him to stop, but my vocal chords refused to work – or at least work more than they were required to to create the high, soft sobbing sounds that were beginning to choke my throat.

Again, Jasper ignored my wailing and moved his big hands to the skirt of my dress, pushing it up around my waist. The fabric blocking my view, I couldn't see what he was doing, but I could hear it. I could feel it. I knew exactly what he was doing and how awful and wrong it was…and how awful and wrong I was for still loving him, just a little, even as he was doing this to me. My Jazz had to be inside there somewhere, didn't he? He had saved me. We had saved each other. You can't just forget things like that.

Or apparently, you could. As he ripped the little cotton panties from between my legs, Jasper's eyes flickered up to mine, so black and numb that it seemed like he was nothing more than a shell, going about the motions of life…and the motions of semi-rape, as it were. I began to cry harder, my voice breaking through the sobs.

"Please, Jazz…stop, _please_," I begged while he shoved his knee between my thighs and drew them apart. The sound of his zipper lowering was his only reply, and I felt him press his hard length against me for a split second before thrusting in, spearing me against him in a quick, rough, almost-painful way. My hands gripped his shoulders out of habit, and I glanced back up to his face, shocked at what I saw there.

The emotion had come back into Jasper's eyes…only now he was blazing with fury. His eyes held an anger I had never seen before – at least not directed at me. The feeling in him grew and grew until it was pouring off of him and seeping into me, making me just as furious. Or maybe I was like that on my own, angry with him for being so angry. _What right does he have to feel that way?_ I asked as he thrust me against the wall. _He left me. He chose the other side. I should be the one…I should be…_

Even with Jasper's gift, I couldn't be furious. Disappointment and denial were all I felt. The man I loved was in there, I _knew_ it. If I were to give up hope for that, he would matter no more. He would never again be anything more than a mindless killing machine. I had to keep that faith, for his sake, no matter how much he had hurt me.

As he lifted me high up on the wall, still thrusting furiously into me, I kept looking at him and choked on a new batch of sobs at the anger in his face. My upset only seemed to serve as fuel to his sadistic fire and he moved faster, pumping into me until he reached the brink, his entire body tensing against me. I felt like I was drowning, suffocating between Jasper and the wall, like I was desperately trying to grab onto anything that would save me. Rather, I clung to my husband's shoulders desperately, and Jasper's eyes finally flared into mine. The anger was all gone now, and I prepared for the numbed-out look to reenter. Instead, a flicker of exhaustion swept over them. That befuddled me. He had blood, women, anything he wanted; what did he have to be tired about?

For a moment, I wondered if the drowning sensation I was feeling was even mine. Perhaps I was right. Perhaps underneath that cruel, cold veneer, my Jasper was still lurking, suffocating just as much as I was.

But then he pulled me up off of him and shoved me roughly. The back of my head struck the stone wall, darkening my vision for a second, though my eyes recovered quickly enough to see Jasper tucking himself back into his pants. He straightened up, scowled at me with angry, blood-red eyes, turned on his heel, and walked away, leaving me pressed up against the stone and knowing, once and for all, that he would never be mine again.

And if Jasper wasn't in my life, then how could life even be worth living?


	5. Chapter 5: Too

The idea came to me as if in a dream…or not so much a dream as a pushed-back memory. The thing I wanted to do had actually happened long ago. Only back then, I hadn't been quite so involved. I had merely parked the car and darted through the shadows, unseen by the celebrating humans as I hurried to help with what I had seen might be a life-threatening situation. Now, in repeating Edward's actions, I hoped for the same threatening of life. And I hoped it would be successful and I would be destroyed by my captors.

Of course, by the time the vision came to me, the sun had just set and darkness was surrounding me. Perhaps I should change my plan? Perform some feat of strength? Maybe take one of Edward's other options and throw a Buick through a wall.

A Buick. How apropos.

No, the sun would have to do. I would cause enough of a stir so that there would be nothing for them to do other than destroy me. I wasn't so very important, I told myself. They had succeeded in their plans. They had Jasper. I wouldn't be of any use to them anymore. My death wouldn't be hurting anyone. Again, I banished the faces of my forgotten family from my head, unwilling to see them, to think that the Volturi might grow so angered with my destruction and would ruin them as well.

I wandered the halls slowly that night, knowing it would be my last. I had already seen the vision of my future. Jane wouldn't be quick enough to stop me and my ruination would be certain. I had already seen one of the servant boys sweeping my ashes into a small golden urn – which surprised me, as most of the Volturi's enemies were made into dust and left for the wind. My case seemed to be special. I almost wondered who would keep hold of me in that little urn, but then decided not to ponder thoughts that would make me so heartsore. Instead, I busied myself in the library, not reading but running my fingers over the spines of my favorite books, like I was shaking hands with old friends. I would miss these things just as much as I would miss Jasper and as much as I had missed my family.

For just a moment, I allowed myself to wonder where they were…what they were doing…imagining, not envisioning, their lives without me. Rosalie would still be beautiful, just as she had always been and always would be, and Emmett would still be her joking, adorable swain. Esme and Carlisle would still be marked by that fastidious love and devotion to each other and their family. Edward and Bella would be their own family now, along with their little girl, but would still be a unit of the whole, a cog in the great Cullen family clock. And I…I would still be nothing to them. I knew the pictures were gone now, and surely my name, and Jasper's too, was rarely spoken. Perhaps the baby didn't even remember us now. Perhaps none of them did.

I was thinking nonsense. They remembered us, even as they pulled our faces from their walls and plucked our names from their lips. That remembering was the reason I was still here.

Unfortunately, it was also the reason I could not stay.

I stopped in my room long enough to change. The broken yellow dress I had pieced back together with pins was tossed into the trash, and I pulled on a simple white cotton shift dress capped with tiny puffed sleeves, falling to just above my knees. He had always liked me in white. Said it made me look like a little doll.

Almost automatically, I walked across the room and opened the bedside table draw. After feeling around for a bit, I found it. The key to my jewelry box. I unlocked it quickly and pulled out the only piece that really mattered in there, fastening it around my neck before leaving that room for the last time.

I watched that last sunrise from the tower I had kept watch in over the past month. It was a slightly cold morning and the air cut through my thin dress. No matter. It would expose as much of my skin as possible, and that was my main goal. I would shine just as brightly as the sun before the sword fell upon my head.

As that glittering gold orb I so longed to be fully came over the horizon, I stepped away from my window, letting my hands linger on the cool stone sill only for a moment. With Felix relieved from his bodyguard duties, my escape would be considerably easier, but I would still have to be quick. If anyone were to see me, or worse, realize what I was about to do, I would be stopped…punished…heaven knows what else.

_Perhaps walled-up, Poe-style, doomed to live out the rest of eternity in agony. It wouldn't be beyond them_, I thought to myself with a small smirk, then quickly wiped it away. There was no need to descend into madness now. I had to have my wits about me if I was going to actually –

Marcus. I could envision him waiting just in the next hall, outside the most dangerous leg of my journey – Aro's door. I had previously planned to make my steps as silent as possible as I passed his room so as not to alert the ancient to my presence, but with Marcus there…no, there was nothing I could do. I had to pass. I couldn't stand this life any more.

Taking a deep, unnecessary breath and holding my head high – mostly to avert Marcus's haunting eyes – I turned the corner and braved my fate. Of course, he said nothing as I came into view. I could feel his gaze on me while I walked closer, boring into my skull. It was so intense that I felt drawn to him, and by the time I was four feet from him and Aro's door, I looked up, meeting his stare. His eyes were still mostly hollow, but a small flicker went through them, almost too small to see. I cringed; it was pity. The ever-stoic Marcus was pitying _me_. Happy-go-lucky Alice. Alice, the one without a care, with all the solutions. Now the object of pity.

_This is what you'll become, you know_, a small voice rang in my head. _An empty shell without a heart, without feelings beyond pity for yourself and pain at what you've lost. And here he is, feeling something else for the first time in ages – pity for someone more pathetic than himself_.

I clenched my eyes tight then and started walking faster. In a second's time, I had turned the corner and Marcus was gone. I scanned my mind to make sure he wouldn't follow me – no. The hallway beckoned, and I began moving, going through doors and up stairs and down dark little hallways until –

The alley just next to the clocktower was blissfully empty and still in shadow. The street that it led to wasn't very busy, but it was bathed in the warm morning light. I focused hard on that street, hoping it would be the last thing I would ever see.

No…some small part of me, still ringing away despite countless attempts to shut it off, wanted a different vision awaiting me at the end. Not a small Italian street, or even the faces of my left-behind family. All I wanted to see was the only family that had ever really mattered, the only man I had ever loved, staring back at me with that same love in his eyes. Like he had done once, long ago. Oh, to see my Jasper looking at me that way again and to feel his love radiating from his very soul…I wouldn't be afraid of death then. Not with that look to guide me into whatever afterlife awaited.

_But he's not here. And you have to do this. You won't be able to bear never seeing that look again_.

I winced at the thought…and began walking to the mouth of the alley.

My footsteps hit the stones lightly, hardly making any sound, but to me they seemed to echo with the names of those I had sacrificed for. Rosalie…Carlisle…Edward…Esme…Emmett…even Bella and the child…their faces danced before my eyes, paining me with their happiness until it grew too much to bear and, with one last pure, beautiful, scarred face in my mind, I took that final step into the sun.

The effect was instantaneous. My skin started glimmering like a diamond, my dark hair only making it look all the brighter. Though the street was mostly empty, I was not without notice. A woman hearding a troupe of three small schoolboys in matching uniforms stopped right across the alley I had just stepped from, their mouths dropped in the same slack-jawed expression. I met their eyes nervously, willing them to move before they met the fate I could see in my –

Like a flock of birds suddenly descending from a tree, four figures in long black cloaks swooped past me. Two grabbed hold of my arms and yanked me back into the shelter of the alley, and I couldn't keep from watching as the others reached the woman and children and suddenly, sickeningly, made quick and tidy work of them. With a corpse casually slung over each shoulder like a grotesque puppet at rest, the two came back to the alley, their cloaks carefully shading their skin from the sun and their faces from my eyes. I was almost certain that the ones holding me were my continual captors, Harold and Matthew, but I couldn't crane my head high enough to see, and they were neither removing their hoods nor speaking. No matter. I had gotten what I wanted. Any second now, I would be destroyed.

Any second now.

Any second.

It became my mantra as they led me back into the castle and through its winding tunnels. Perhaps there was a special room this would take place in? Or…or perhaps it was wishful thinking, and I would get the "special treatment" I had so feared – the continuation of my eternal life, but in a horrible way. Chained evermore in the dungeons. Locked forever in a box. Or –

Apparently, it was to be the former. I saw their decision played out carefully, at least as far a decision as they had made. After walking a short distance more, the guard on my left shoved open a door and threw me inside the room – the dungeon. And faster than I could think to stop him, the portal slammed shut and the bolt slid home. I was across the room in a flash, pounding at the door, using all my inhuman strength to try and break it down. But it was locked tight, and there was no hope left for me. I had no Jasper, no family, no freedom, not even the sweet hope of death to look forward to like a long day's restful sleep. Life had lost all its worth and I lay back on the filthy stone floor, praying for catatonia. Of course, instead of nothingness, my mind slipped to something achingly, horribly familiar.

_Esme hummed a mindless tune to herself as she strung fake cobwebs from the house's eaves, turning the beautiful architecture into something ghastly and grim. The home reeked of ghostly emptiness now, but that wasn't due to the All Hallow's Eve décor._

"_A little much, perhaps, my love?"_

_Carlisle had come up behind her, putting his hands at her waist and drawing her back to him. She craned her head to give him a little half-hearted smile._

"_Perhaps," she admitted. "No one else will see it, will they?" She sighed then, a forlorn sound. "Even so, I need it. I want the distraction. What with the family…the family…"_

"_Shhhh…" Carlisle bent his head to kiss her neck, just at the vein he had long ago drunk from. His wife's delicate nature these days…thank God the others __**had**__ gone, or the emotion would have been too much to bear._

_Esme turned in his arms and leaned her forehead upon his. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to get so upset. Halloween was just her…she loved…" But Esme winced like a great stone was pressing on her, and she couldn't go on._

"_I know," her husband replied. "I know."_

_They were silent, holding each other for a small eternity. Finally, Carlisle spoke._

"_Shall we go decorate more inside? Make this place worthy of a couple of vampires?"_

_Her full lips curved into a soft smile. "Don't tease," she scolded._

"_Oh, hardly," he said as he threaded her arm through his and made his way to the front door. "I'm a minister's son. All Hallow's Eve is a very serious subject…what with all the souls committing depraved acts that need to be saved." He grinned then._

_Esme stopped just outside the door, bringing Carlisle to a halt at her side._

"_What is it?" he asked and stared down at her fondly._

"_Can we move?" she said suddenly, her brow furrowed in her stress. Carlisle's eyes moved to the slender white hand in his, the hand that had held his ring for nearly ninety years, his gaze traveling up her arm to her neck, stopping to stare at the half-moon scars he had put there so long ago before finally returning to her pained, pleading face. He leaned in close to press his lips against her forehead, brushing them against her skin as he spoke._

"_We'll start packing tonight."_

The ceiling came back into focus, but only for a moment until…

_Rosalie finished her Bentley's wax job with a concentrated look on her face, a little furrow between her perfectly-sculpted eyebrows. It almost marred her beauty, but only almost. She still shone with that unmistakable, Rosalie-esque perfection, even in stained jeans and a cut-off t-shirt, and Emmett smiled fondly when he came into the garage and stood beside her._

"_Morning, angel," he said as he slipped an arm around her waist bared by the high cut of her shirt. "You have a good night?"_

"_No," she replied testily, turning her head to glare at him, "no thanks to you."_

"_Whoa, whoa." Emmett stepped back to hold up his hands. "What did I do, baby?"_

_Rosalie sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Nothing. It's not you."_

_Relieved, he started to lean back against the Bentley but was stopped with a quick Look from his wife. "You wanna tell me what it is then?" he asked._

_Again, she sighed. "I overheard Esme and Carlisle talking on the porch."_

"_About what?"_

"_Moving."_

"_Again? But I thought we were going to try to stay for another year or so? For Charlie or whatever cockamamie reason Bella and Esme cooked up."_

"_Apparently Esme can't stand it anymore," she explained. "The house…it's too much of a reminder…you understand?"_

"_Oh." Emmett nodded. Rosalie bit down on her red lip, a shadow crossing her face, and he reached for her waist again, murmuring softly as she curled up against his chest. "Rose…"_

"_It hurts me too, Em," she whispered. "I can't put on a brave face for them all the time."_

"_They don't expect you to," he insisted._

"_But they __**do**__," she retorted, her voice hard. "Esme and Carlisle have lost their children, they can mourn. Edward's been blaming himself for months and that means Bella is too. You mope around and –"_

"_Excuse me, I do not mo –"_

"_You do. You don't mean to, but you do."_

"_It's just that everyone's so mopey themselves, I can't help it," he said, a touch of whining in his tone._

_Rosalie almost smiled at his little-boy ways. "I know, and I don't blame you. But that only leaves me. I'm the one who has to be strong, but it seems like everyone forgot that I lost my siblings too. A sister. A __**twin**__. But no, tough-as-nails Rosalie, she's the cool, collected one. And…Emmett, I can't play that anymore."_

"_You don't __**have**__ to, Rose."_

"_To keep everyone from falling apart, I do," she said softly. "Someone has to be the backbone. And with Carlisle buried in work and Esme on the verge of tears and Edward's constant self-abuse…well, I'm next in line, aren't I?"_

"_Then take a break," he insisted, gentle and firm all at the same time. "That means I come right after you. And I'll take over."_

_Rosalie smiled into his chest. "God, I love you."_

_Emmett gave a hearty chuckle that made the skin she was resting against vibrate. "I'm sure God appreciates that, but what about me?"_

_The image warped, becoming more intense, even the colors of the scene changing as the mood shifted…_

I told myself to snap out of it. That it wasn't something meant for my eyes. But I even stayed to watch that – their quiet, happy coupling – and wept silently at the beauty and oneness that I would never have again. I wasn't sure if these last visions of my family were a blissful goodbye or ridiculous torture, but I welcomed them still, and carefully slid into a third one.

_A small house came into view, one with a big beautiful fireplace the central focus of the main room. Edward sat near the flames in an armchair, his elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand. The room was still and quiet; the only sound was the crackling of the fire and some steps in the hall while Edward remained as still as a stone. He kept his statue-like pose even as his wife entered the room and came to stand next to his chair._

"_She's asleep," she said softly._

_He moved then – a slight nod, the most he had moved all evening. With a little sigh, Bella sat on the sofa that faced his chair and reached her hand across the distance to rest on his knee. He moved to cover her palm with his own._

"_It isn't your fault," she murmured, letting her eyes flicker over to the table at his elbow. A small pile of envelopes sat there, unopened and unread. They were all covered with international stamps, and each had a "Return to Sender" scrawled neatly across it in what Carlisle had identified as Caius' handwriting._

_Edward gave a bitter chuckle. "If I had listened to her more…perhaps I would have heard what she was planning."_

"_She was blocking you out," Bella reminded him._

"_She would have slipped. I could have heard something. I could have stopped her."_

"_No, you couldn't have. She made up her mind, they both –"_

"_I __**should**__ have stopped her. Their leaving…it's destroying us all. Esme wants to go. Carlisle will say yes any day now. And if they go, they'll want us to come too."_

"_But Charlie…and Jacob…"_

"_Exactly." Edward grit his teeth so hard she could hear it. "But Esme can't stand to be here. I hear it in her thoughts all the time. Their room reminds her, the sewing machine reminds her, even the damn banister reminds her. Of them. The ones who left us."_

"_You can say their names," she said softly. "Alice and Jasper. They're still our family."_

"_Are they? Rose is acting as if they don't exist. I…I should have listened more. I should have been paying more attention to her and not…"_

_He trailed off a bit and sat back, not finishing his sentence. Even so, Bella winced._

"_More attention to her and not to me? Is that it?" she asked in a pained little voice._

"_No, no," he insisted, shaking his head…though it almost sounded as if he wasn't quite so sure. "I meant…I should have heard her thoughts before. I should have realized…"_

"_But you were too busy with me and the baby."_

_His jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything. The war going on inside his head was almost visible on his face; blaming himself or blaming his wife? When no decision was quickly made, Bella pulled her hand from his with a glare and stood._

"_If that's how you feel, Edward, then please, let me know," she hissed, her voice cutting and harsh._

_Edward looked up at her, his eyes burning dully, as if he couldn't work up all the emotion a fight would require. "Bella, it's just –"_

"_Is that it? You rather you had saved her than me?" she whisperedc_

_He grew angry then and rolled his eyes. "I never said that –"_

"_But you meant it."_

"_What I __**meant**__ was that you were taken care of by me __**and**__ everyone else. Who was taking care of Alice? If I had just spared a moment for her, I could have stopped them. We would still be together. You were fine on your own that day and –"_

"_And perhaps I'd be fine if I was on my own now," she muttered before turning and stalking out of the room. Edward waited only a moment before following after her._

Again, I came too and cringed once I did. The scene worried me; Edward was just as troubled as the rest, and that meant problems for him and Bella. He was unsure who to blame, just as everyone was. But hearing that the family was so hurt was enough for me. I already had seen how my decisions had affected Jasper, and now I knew I had wronged everyone by leaving. Esme was in terrible pain, and that meant everyone else was too. Rosalie was struggling, Emmett wasn't himself, Edward and Bella were almost at each other's throats…

_But_, said a tiny voice in my head, _it was either leave them to pain or lead them to death. Which would you rather?_

I couldn't answer the question truthfully. Either way, it didn't matter much now. I was sure to be finished soon. They would be rid of me in every way and it wouldn't matter whether I had gone or stayed. There would be no getting me back after…

"_It is a most grievous sin that Alice has committed," Caius said, his voice a rich, deep, rumbling bass._

"_She's but a child," Aro pointed out. "Not yet one hundred and ten years old."_

"_Hardly a child, to have seen a century wither away," Caius retorted._

"_Child or not, the fact remains that she has nearly ruined us all." Athenodora spoke up quietly and put her hand on Caius's arm, calming her husband._

"_Has she really?" Alec replied. "It was only four people."_

"_Three of them small boys who wouldn't have held their tongues," said Heidi. "And what if there had been more? She's lucky she chose to appear when she did."_

"_Imagine the carnage had the streets been busy," Demetri said, a blood-lusty twinkle in his eye._

"_Forget the circumstances," Aro interjected. "What we need to do now is settle on a punishment for the girl."_

"_Send her with me again," Heidi suggested. "She hated gathering the meal last time."_

"_That's hardly good enough," said Caius. "Should not the punishment fit the crime?"_

"_Let us have her," Jane piped up, sliding her hand onto her twin's. "Alec and I will be entirely fitting."_

_Alec smiled devilishly at her. "I concur."_

"_Or maybe the vaults will suffice," Felix suggested. "Locking her up for eternity…I'd gladly be her guard." His eyes flickered in a dangerous way._

_But Aro shook his head. "I don't believe that is the punishment Alice was seeking from this course of action."_

"_Why is it that the ones with the best gifts always have the most tortured souls?" Sulpicia sighed. "First her brother, now her. I suppose we'll see the Halfling and the mother come striding in here, begging for death next."_

_Aro smiled at his wife fondly. "But it isn't the gifts that drive them to that, my dear. It is the heart."_

_Everyone tried hard not to let their eyes flicker over to Jasper sitting calmly in the corner of the room._

_Heidi broke the silence. "So we are to decide whether she lives or dies?"_

"_There are eleven of us," Aro said. "We could put it to a vote."_

"_Oh, yes," Caius said, a smile tickling his lips. "Let's."_


	6. Chapter 6: Much

"_So we are to decide whether she lives or dies?"_

"_There are eleven of us," Aro said. "We could put it to a vote."_

"_Oh, yes," Caius said, a smile tickling his lips. "Let's."_

The gray sloping walls of the dungeon were a welcome sight after Caius's sadistic grin. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and tugged my knees into my chest, thinking over what I had just seen.

A vote. My fate was to be put to a vote. Whether I lived or died or spent the rest of my days in this horrible prison was to be decided by a group of eleven people who could care less about me. If only Carlisle was there, or Emmett, or anyone who would speak on my behalf. I could count on Jasper no longer.

_But that's your own fault_, that horrible, annoying, tiny voice in my head piped up. _You decided to come here. He followed you out of love. You led him into temptation. He has every right to hate you for what you have helped him become._

I cringed at the words echoing in my mind. It was true, all of it; I had knowingly led Jasper to his destruction. I hadn't done anything to stop him from changing besides giving him a few disapproving glances now and again. Just like Edward blamed himself for my departure, so was I blaming myself for Jasper's downfall. Like I had told him during that last fatal fight of ours, perhaps it would have been better for us all to die at the Volturi's hands than to join their ranks. It would have at least saved everyone the pain they were living through now…as well as saving my Jasper from his destruction and me from my broken heart.

Suddenly, my body tensed, my hands locking on my knees, my mind drifting off as the final vote was taken.

_Caius called for attention, asking those who wished to see Alice live to raise their hands. His eyes shifted around as others began rising in the air._

_Aro was first…_

_Then Sulpicia, of course…_

_Jane…_

_Alec, right behind her…_

_And Felix, that lusty glint still in his eye._

_Once they all lowered their palms, Aro asked the opposing side to raise theirs. Caius went first, his papery hand lifting gently into the air._

_Demetri went next…_

_Heidi…_

_Athenodora…_

_And Jasper, looking rather bored with the whole thing. Aro stared for a moment, his eyes slightly widened. The others stared too, shocked, but didn't say a thing. After a few silent seconds, Aro nodded his assent and they all lowered their hands._

"_Marcus?" Caius asked, leaning forward in his chair. "Yours is the deciding vote."_

_Marcus paused, frowned for a moment, then raised his hand, lowering it onto Aro's shoulder._

_Aro sighed but mustered up a half-hearted smile. "Death it is, then."_

And I was almost immediately relieved.

Death would be a welcome respite after the last year. I wasn't sure how much longer I could bear seeing glimpses of my family's pain or watching Jasper take another human or having to suffer under the weight of my own heavy but broken heart. I could tell that my end was coming soon. The decision had just now been made. Any second now, Aro would stride through those doors, ready to hand me my destruction with his own two hands.

I had to admit, I was slightly nervous, and my hand flew to the ruby pendant around my neck, fiddling with it absentmindedly. Would it hurt? Would they do it the way I had seen all vampires be destroyed, or was there some special way the Volturi had to go about the act? And then after…I had heard Carlisle time and again say what he believed waited for us on the other side. But was it all true? Was there a sort of white light someone as wicked as me, as anyone of my kind could follow?

I tugged tighter at my necklace for a second before slipping it under the neckline of my dress and standing. Someone would be coming into the room in eight seconds. I could already see their shadowy outline entering the dungeons. Five seconds now…four…three…two…one…

Just like the vision in my head, the lock on the door clicked free and the heavy door swung open. I opened my mouth to greet Aro for the last time –

And stopped dead in my tracks as Jasper shut the door behind him.

I could hardly move. I wouldn't dare to breathe. It seemed like if I chanced one small change I would be tempting fate and something would go horribly, utterly wrong…or at least more wrong than it already was, what with my husband here to commit my obliteration. I could already seen that in my head, his face still and pale as he ripped into me, ending what little life I had left. He would be my destruction.

_This is what you wanted. Isn't it more like your savior?_

I almost laughed. Destruction and savior, heaven and hell, lightness and darkness all rolled into one.

_Just as he always has been_.

But for now I couldn't think of that. Not when he was standing here before me, beautiful even in his numbed-out state, his honeyed hair falling softly over his brow, brushing his pale cheeks and falling to the collar of the handsome black coat he wore over a spotless white shirt. His eyes were roaming around the dungeon in a drifting, aimless way, taking in the surroundings before settling on me, recognizing that I was there but not that I was Alice, _his_ Alice. It was so very like the first time he had ever seen me, that day so long ago in that diner in Philadelphia. Back then, he had stared at me in confusion, in slight trepidation. Now I was the one who was fearful…but no, I wouldn't let him feel that. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Instead, I threw back my shoulders and stared him right in his horrible reddened eyes, the same eyes he had had when we first met, the ones that matched the ruby heart I had strung around my neck for the last time.

"So this is it?" I asked quietly, my voice low.

He said nothing, only tensed his jaw slightly and moved his hand to his hip – habit, of course. He no longer carried a Bowie. I laughed, bitterly.

"Well," I murmured, keeping my golden eyes locked on his, "you've kept me waiting a long time, then. Too long."

In one sudden burst of movement, Jasper flew across the room. His hair streamed back from his furious face as he rushed to my side and wrapped one of his big hands around my slim wrist, pulling hard. I screamed as my arm tore from its socket, falling neatly to the floor once he let it go.

The pain was like nothing I had ever felt. I couldn't remember my change – had it been anything like this? The fire that started where my arm had once been was spreading through my entire body, making even the screams I was issuing painful. I clenched my remaining fist tight, the feeling of my nails digging into my palm a slight distraction that wasn't enough.

Again, Jasper tore into me, tearing away my other arm. It didn't separate as cleanly, and I cried as he had to try again, still only separating my forearm. Still, his face remained calm and deadened, each rip painful but as smooth and gentle as a caress. I stared up into his eyes, trying to control the sobs I couldn't help but release and focus solely on him, the man who had once been mine. He must have felt my gaze on his and looked up, stopping for a brief second with one of his hands on my waist and the other on my remaining upper arm.

"Do it!" I cried, eager for this all to be over. I couldn't stand it any longer – the pain, the heartache, the look of him before me. Silently, still staring right back at me, Jasper tore off my arm. I arched my back, screaming bloody murder as another burst of fire coursed through me, pressing my torso into him and throwing back my head. I felt Jasper's fangs sink into my neck – another sting before he pulled back to look at me again, still numb, still cold…but still Jasper. Not mine any longer, but he had once been. And I couldn't bear to watch him destroy himself any longer.

"Faster!" I shouted. "Damn it, do it, Jasper! Just get it over with!"

Jasper's eyes flared suddenly, like a spark had been lit within him. He gave an unearthly cry, a yell that came from somewhere deep within him. His hands grasped the sides of my face, almost like he was about to pull me in for a passionate embrace, and then tore away.

I didn't feel a thing when he ripped off my head. I heard it though, and that was enough. Strangely, my eyes still worked. I could still see Jasper as he worked, calmly, steadily separating my body, keeping the parts in a neat pile until I was broken enough for him. I watched him walk over to the wall, take a torch from its bracket, and come back to stand over me, silent, imposing, handsome. I closed my eyes then.

~*~

I let the torch slip from my hand in an easy, careless sort of way. It fell smoothly, landing on the remnants of her thigh. I watched silently as the flames began to spread over the flesh like little orange-red tongues lapping at her skin, her muscle, her clothes. It wasn't too long before there was nothing left but ash and still I stood staring at the charred heap. I wondered for a brief moment if I should feel anything…but no. I was still carefully numbed, still absolutely untouched by anything around me. And it mattered even less now.

After a while…I wasn't sure how long…the door opened slowly. I craned my head away from the pile of ash and stared blankly at the young man in the doorway – a newborn, by the look of his bright red eyes. He trembled a bit under my dead gaze, but I was used to such weakness – had seen it in the new soldiers, both human and undead. Yes, his nerves were nothing new. They even excited me a little – as excited as I could be underneath this barricade. It meant he would be easy to exploit, to control. I could gain power using ones like him and rise higher in the ranks of the Volturi. That idea pleased me, and the small grin that warped my face made the youth shake even more. I raised a single eyebrow, questioning him silently.

"M-Marcus sent me," the boy stuttered, "to gather the, um…the ashes." He held out a dark mahogany box. I started to come closer, smirking as he froze, and peered over the top of the box. It was a well-crafted piece of workmanship, carefully made and polished to a high shine with a small plaque inlaid on the top. I noted Marcus's speed with a frown; the plaque was already engraved.

_Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen_

_May 26, 1901 - October 31, 2008_

I shoved it back at the boy gracelessly. He knelt next to the ashes, opened the box to pull out a small brush and pan, and began sweeping up the remains, depositing them one scoop at a time. When he was halfway through his cleanup job, I turned to leave. I had little interest in seeing him do the same thing over and over again.

"Um…sir?"

The boy's voice was timid, but I stopped and looked back nevertheless. He gestured to the ash with his brush. Taking a few steps towards him, I leaned down. A glimmer of red within the charcoal caught my eye. One last flickering ember? No…no, it was a jewel. A ruby heart.

"What would you like done with it?" the newborn asked quietly.

I shrugged my shoulders, sure of only one thing. "It would get a good price at market, don't you think?"


	7. Chapter 7: From, J

Weeks passed and turned into months. I noticed little. I still drank, still moved, still spoke and smiled when the time called for it – I was no Marcus – but I lived my life with a reserved detachment, slightly amused by everything but taking no real interest. The only focus I had now was for power. Just as I had moved swiftly through the armies, so would I move through the ranks of the Volturi. I was already their golden hero, what with the birth of my son. They called him Caine. I had seen the child just after his birth and little since. It didn't matter.

We began trying for the second one shortly after his birth. Again, Demetri searched for the women while I stayed behind to proffer my masculine services, and again I lost control a few times in the beginning.

I liked the smallest ones best. The petite, lithe beauties, especially the ones with dark hair. The rush that came with bedding them…and the even bigger rush that came after with their sweet, swift death…was made even better by the little prickings of feeling I got whenever near them, feelings I thought I had long since silenced. It made me feel almost alive again. Sometimes I remembered why I felt this way. Sometimes the scent got to me too quickly to allow for any thought. Either way, they were dead soon after, and it was back to the cold monotony of my existence once more…at least until the next go-round.

It was later decided that the next woman would be mated with Demetri in the hopes of creating more gifted children. Thus, I was the one who had to take his place on the hunt for the next potential mother. A pack of us toured through southern Europe, scouring Spain and Portugal first before moving to the Mediterranean, deciding there to split up. I was assigned to Prague, where rumors of a tall, goddess-like woman with the ability to capture any man were beginning to reach the Volturi's ears.

The Golden City was beautiful, and the people there had a distinctive, cultured flavor that the people of Volterra did not. I will admit, I spent my first nights there gorging myself sick and didn't really get started hunting this mythical woman until the third twilight. Word said she hung around the cafes in the Lesser Quarter, and that was my first stop. There were many beautiful women indeed, but none that tickled my particular fancy. After another round of scanning the females, I left, taking a side street that would lead to the Old Town where she had also been sighted. Maybe there –

Fiery pain shot through my body like the sudden sting of venom that came with a newborn's bite. It was torture like I hadn't felt in a long time, not since the last time I had lost a limb – Texas, 1907. I toppled over and let out a groan as I hit the ground. The pain was still pulsing through me, as rhythmic as the heartbeat I had once had, and I opened my eyes to see two shadowy figures standing above me.

"Well, well, well," one of them muttered softly, "what a pleasant surprise finding you here, Jasper."

The streetlights hadn't yet come on, but I didn't need them to see who had attacked me. Rosalie, looking as perfect as always, was standing next to me, brandishing the leg she had ripped from my right socket – easily explaining the agony I was in. She was dressed in impractical white, looking like a torturous angel of mercy, especially with the dim twilight setting her hair a-glowing like a halo. Next to her, his arms folded across his chest, was Edward, playing the devil to her angel in all black, even his eyes. His hunger sent an animalistic wave of fear through me; I would need all my wits about me if I was to survive this.

"Surprise indeed," Edward murmured, one corner of his mouth curving up into a crooked grin. "When did the Volturi change their headquarters to Bohemia?"

I smirked at him through the pain. "When our potential mothers started gathering…"

The amused look on Rosalie's face halted my voice. Suddenly, it all made sense. Tales of a tall, beautiful woman…theories the Volturi were unable to trace…it wasn't a human, no, not at all. Such a female could only exist in our fantastical world.

"_You_? _You_ were the ones spreading those rumors?!" I growled from my place on the floor, shoving myself up – but not for long. Rosalie reached down and tore my left arm off, leaving me lying prostrate before them, a painful snarl rumbling in my throat. _I didn't miss them at all_, I noted silently to myself, almost amused at the thought.

"Rosalie, enough." Edward's voice was harsh and commanding, but she laughed anyway, a sound as cold and cutting as a diamond.

"I didn't spread them," she replied as she threw my limbs into a pile above my head. "That would be our little genius of a brother."

Both of our stares moved to Edward. Unlike Rosalie, who was staring down at me with a mocking little smile on her face, he was blank and serious, all business in his blacked-out eyes.

"Hardly a genius," he said smoothly, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm even surprised your people didn't figure out the puzzle before we got you here."

"My people…_oh_, the Volturi." I smiled, ignoring my pain and replacing it with schadenfreude. "Yes, I suppose they have become my people…what with my fathering their new race and all."

Rosalie shook a bit at that and Edward threw her a glance. I could feel him willing her to be stronger, but she still looked ill at the thought of my newest position.

"Oh, you didn't know, Rosie?" I asked mockingly. "You should come over for supper and meet him."

"Him?" she repeated.

"Yes. Caine, my –"

"_Stop_," Edward commanded. "God, here I was, thinking that you'd at _least_ be apologetic. For her."

He didn't nod to Rosalie, but I knew which 'her' he meant. I clenched my jaw and stared at him. I had blocked any thought of that woman from my mind; couldn't he do the same? Or at least grant me the courtesy of not having to think of her?

"But no," he continued. "I should have known better. I should have known you wouldn't make it a day without her. _She_ was what made you strong. Without her, you're nothing. She's better off without you, if this is what you've become – a _scrap_. Meaningless. Worthless."

I kicked out with my remaining leg, swiping it towards Edward. I wasn't fast enough; he jumped just in time, landing hard on my knee and nearly breaking my limb off with his force. It hurt like hell, but I clammed up, refusing to let them know they were causing me any sort of pain. The physical sort I could almost ignore, but the emotional…their golden eyes were haunting me, reminding me of the pair I had seen turn to ash. How had they even found out about her? Did they know that I had –

"Of course we know, you bastard," Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Marcus sent Carlisle the ashes. Esme went into hysterics. Not like you care."

I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. I was far beyond caring about anything now. Life had lost all meaning. So what if they destroyed me? I had contributed my services to the Volturi, and they had Demetri to father the rest of the children. Besides, did I really want to spend my eternity in servitude to someone else? My devotion days had ended when Alice had spurned me so long ago; the end could have come then, for all I cared. An image sprang up in my head, a sudden flash of jet hair and white skin and small hands and big eyes –

No. I had buried all that. I pushed those visions away and focused on the two immortals standing above me, the ones who so longed for my destruction. If they did…so be it. But I'd let them know exactly how I felt about them, how they had ruined her and ruined me, before I let them have the last laugh.

"Care?" I smirked. "I could care less about either of you. Any of you."

"The feeling is mutual. On every side," Edward said with his own crooked grin…a secretive grin.

_Every side…?_ What did he mean?

His smile grew wider as he explained. "You could care less. We could too. Even the Volturi. You think you matter to them? You're their little sperm donor. Nothing more. This power you think you have? It doesn't exist and _it never will_."

I stared up at him, not speaking, returning to my carefully deadened state. I wasn't about to let him know he was hitting the tender spots.

"Oh, you don't like that, do you?" Edward teased coldly. "You were an absolute idiot for killing her. Not just because she loved you or because we loved her. Because Aro was _using you_."

"_I_ chose –"

"_Liar_," he spat. "I've heard everything. He told you to murder her. And you were so fucking numb, so eager for his meaningless approval that you did it. Do you even know why he chose you? Caius could have easily done it. Why you?"

I didn't answer, though my mind had run rampant with this question time and again.

"Your killing her was the only way to keep us from all-out war," Edward explained. "Had it been Caius or Felix or anyone else, we would have attacked you all. Cullens against Volturi. But no, letting _you_ do it meant we only had to take out one. Remove the bad blood. You were his pawn all along, and he obviously doesn't mind losing you. How does it feel to be the newborn now, Jasper?"

He was mocking, quiet, and cruel. But if this was to be my final end, I would not go down without a fight.

"So that's what this is?" I said through gritted teeth in an attempt at distraction. "A chance to purify the family?"

"Family?" he repeated, and his voice was like ice.

"Family," I replied, a cruel smile picking at my lips. "I learned from your example, brother. Running away, hurting those we love…it's what Cullen men do best."

"You were hardly a Cullen," Rosalie spat. She clenched her hands tight at her sides, and I could tell she longed to tear another part of me away. I sneered at her, welcoming the fight.

Edward leaned over me, staring down my sneer. "And any trace you had of being our family ended when you killed our sister."

"_I _killed your sister?" I pushed myself up as best I could with one arm, leaning against the wall next to me for support. "Alice may have died by my hands, but you signed her death warrant, _brother dear_."

Like a sudden flash of lightning, Edward's fist swung out, colliding with my cheek and slamming my head into the stone. Spots danced in front of my eyes for a few minutes, and I was back on the ground when my vision finally cleared. I stayed there for a moment, collecting myself, wanting to be fully primed for Edward's fury when I came to.

Edward crouched low, his face in mine. "Don't you _dare_ to speak her name," he snarled, his pitch eyes furious.

"Alice, _Alice_, _**Alice**_," I cried, getting louder with each intonation of her name. "She was _my_ wife! I can do as I please."

He was sure to be fuming; he and Alice had been exceptionally close – but we both knew he was just as much to blame for her death as I was. He had sent her to the executioner and I had performed the act. Yet it had been me she was cursing during her final moments. Perhaps that was for the best. Better for her to hate me as she died than for her to think I was something worth her care. And now I would be finished too. No matter. It was probably better this way.

This was how I knew it would end. I knew that if they heard what had happened, they would come for me. His taunts made sense – Aro knew I would be the only one ruined if I was the murderer. Now, that ruination was at hand. I almost welcomed it. I had already begun suspecting that my bid for power in the Volturi would be for naught, even before Edward's words. And I wasn't about to proffer my services to them any longer if I would go nowhere. Perhaps on some subconscious level, I knew that angering the Cullens was my one way out. They would do to me what no one would do for Edward. I looked forward to the destruction, a smile on my face as I went on tormenting my former sibling.

"She _never_ would have left had it not been for you and your selfish choices, Edward," I said, anticipating the rise that would bring my death. "If you hadn't done all you did, turned your back on everyone for one silly girl, she would still be here. Face. The. Facts. _You_ did this to her. Destroying me isn't going to help your guilt any."

As I was speaking, I kept my gaze locked on Edward's, though my mind was hard at work, willing my arm back to me. If I had both, I could have the advantage – the upper hand, if you will. I had dealt with enough silly little newborns to easily be able to fight Rosalie and Edward – and there was no way I was letting myself go down without a good battle first. Just another few inches more and I could reknit myself together –

But Rosalie caught sight of what I was doing and stomped an elegant heeled boot on my dismembered arm, leaning over to pick it up.

"I never took you for playing dirty, Jasper," she scolded in a light, airy voice as she stared at my scarred skin in her hands, "what with that military training and all."

"_My_ playing dirty?" I raised an eyebrow. "Yes, well, I'm not the one who oh-so-casually calls her brother to tell him his girlfriend committed suicide."

I watched with pleasure as she cringed then turned my face to Edward.

"And I'm not the one who forced my family to move because of one silly little human. Or who brought half the race to death's door to protect that human again."

Edward bristled and opened his mouth to speak.

"_No_," I cut him off. "None of this would have happened had it not been for _you_. You _and_ her."

"You blame her and I'll –"

"I'm _happy _to blame her! It's just as much her fault as it is yours! God, I should have killed her when I had the chance!"

A sudden crack resounded in my ears, the sound of stone-hard flesh meeting stone-hard flesh. I ignored the throb in my cheek and looked up at Rosalie, wielding my arm like a weapon – she had struck me with my own hand. And she looked immensely proud of herself for having done so.

"You may not have had any respect for my other sister," she said, forcing each word through her clenched jaw, "but I won't have you speak badly of Bella, you insolent prick."

"Language, twin of mine," I teased coldly.

"You are _not_ my brother," she retorted, her eyes lit up like flame.

"I told her that," I went on. "She swore up and down that you would all be true to us, that we'd all still be family…and then she had that vision."

Rosalie couldn't resist the bait. "What vision?"

"Rose, _don't_," Edward warned her.

I smirked and ignored him, going on. "She saw you boxing up all our things. Taking down the pictures. She knew you didn't want her anymore. And when the people she had given up her freedom for had given up on her, she was done. Alice _wanted_ to die. She _begged _for it. She –"

* * *

Rosalie watched carefully as I placed the last shred of Jasper's flesh on the pile.

"Make sure you got it all," she murmured, her eyes scanning the alley to check.

"I did," I replied. I had taken care to keep everything together, letting no piece go discarded. Now the man I had once called my brother lay in pieces, his foot lying on his torso, his fingers scattered near his knees, and his head staring blankly where it lay atop the heap.

"Let me do the honors," Rosalie asked, a chilling thrill in her voice I hardly recognized. I handed over the little book of matches carelessly, never taking my eyes from the pile of parts that still quivered ominously. She lit a match quickly, dropped it only the pile, and stood back to watch. I joined her at her side, my arms folded across my chest while hers were clasped in front of her like a gleeful little girl. I almost felt the same happiness – though mine was in that I had gotten my revenge, finally evened the score and made right for the inaction I had not taken to stop my sister and her worthless macabre husband. Rosalie's satisfaction…well, her thoughts were wandering to the macabre herself. _Perhaps they were more twins than I thought_, I mused with a little smirk as flame swallowed up the deadened face of the man who had murdered our angel.

Strangely, it was a bonding moment between my last remaining sister and I. We had both volunteered to go – Emmett had only just started his new classes, and Esme wouldn't hear of Carlisle going, nor would I allow Bella. I had worried at first how this trip would affect us both as individuals and as brother and sister. Rosalie and I had always been an interesting pair; for us to share such a feeling against the man who had been our brother was a strange emotion. It was rather nice, sharing that. Almost as nice as it was staring down at the pile of ashes where Jasper's body had just been.

"I'd love to kick it," Rosalie said in a satisfied, bored tone, "but I'd hate ruining my new boots."

I rolled my eyes. Even as we destroyed her twin, she was still Rosalie.

"Come on." I held out my arm for her. "I can't stand to look at him much longer."

With a dazzling smile and a cold little laugh, she slipped her arm in mine, and I led her away from the righteous destruction.

* * *

The night was still, but the wind picked up with the dawn and the air came off the river icy and cold. It swept through the side streets, blowing leaves and flags and litter and even ash. The little pile of remains no one had noticed swirled up into an eddy, a small whirling tornado of gray before it dissipated into the sky. There was not much left behind on the street other than a small ruby pendant on a silver chain.


End file.
